Kathryn
by mageturtle
Summary: Kathryn has had a bad life, but will things get any better when she's saved by the famous duo, Smosh? And how will she, and the ones from her past, affect the apparent perfect lives of the entire smosh family?
1. Meeting new people

**To those who are reading this, please note that the first couple chapters aren't written that well, but the writing does get somewhat better in later chapters *Quick note ;P hey, its me from later time! i decided to fix up the first three chapters a bit :3 enjoy, and now back to past Turtle* Hey,**_** so yeah. I suck at names, so this is called Kathryn.. anyways, I'm mage, and this is a story I've been working on! I've been writing it on my Kindle, so please excuse any mistakes, or any random words :L it has Autocorrect, so I have to work around that.. hope you at least like it a bit.. ALSO, I'm an idiot, so keep that in mind..**_

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'It's dark, god damnit it's dark, and rainy.. I don't have a place to sleep tonight. What's that? A motel maybe?' I walk through the doors of the small donut store 'no, just a dunkin donuts..' I sigh and walk out again. I bump into someone. "Oof, sorry.." I say to the stranger before looking at his face, I'm shocked. It's him.

"Jacob!" I scream as I take two steps backwards, He's smiling in a murderous way. He grabs my shirt and pulls me towards him, he shoves a hand past my pants and underwear, and into me. I scream, and he slams my weak body onto the pavement, hitting my head and back extremely hard. I groan, everything hurts, my vision is blurry, I can't see anything.

I can feel him rip my shirt and try to rip my bra before I hear yelling, Jacob runs away and leaves me. I whimper as I see the figure of a man "Miss? Are you alright?" I hear him ask, then, I'm gone.

* * *

_I'm in my living room. I'm getting screamed at by my father, I'm just looking down towards the ground, I feel a hit to my face, I'm on the floor now. My nose is bleeding and my clothes are being torn off. I'm crying and screaming for help, but no one ever comes._

I wake up, I'm in a room with pokemon, smosh, halo, and other posters. I'm bandaged on my head, I sit up in the bed, I'm wearing a superman shirt and black pajama pants instead of my clothes. I slowly stumble out of the room into a short hallway that has multiple other doors, and a way to a bright room, I can hear two guys talking about something, I walk out and I see two guys who look to be a bit older than me, surrounded by boxes and letters spread out over the floor, they don't notice me, I can see a blue eyed guy who has a surprisingly cute bowl haircut, and a brown eyed guy with emo style hair. I walk a bit further, but step on a letter which slips against the soft carpet, I slip and fall forwards onto my stomach "NyAh!" I yell as I fall forwards

I slowly sit up and I see them looking at me "hi.." I say in the most normal tone I can muster. The blue eyed one waves and the brown eyed gets up to help me, he lifts me up and helps me stand again "uhm... so.. hi, could you, ya'know, refresh my memory on who exactly you are?" I ask as I scratch my head

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Anthony! And this is my friend Ian" brownie tells me while pointing at bluey, my mouth is agape "you okay?" Anthony asks "uh, oh-! Yeeeeeaaahhh, I'm fiiiinnnee" I nervously laugh.

They look a bit freaked out "Uhm- and what would your last names be?" I ask

"I'm Anthony Padilla, and this is Ian Hecox." My mouth is agape again, they're staring, I swing my arms around "waitwaitwait- so you're saying, you're Anthony Padilla- THE Anthony Padilla? And he's THE Ian Hecox?" I ask as I lean forwards

"yeeep.." Ian laughs

"Anthony Padilla, and Ian Hecox, from smosh!?" I ask with an amazingly surprised look on my face, they both nod, I had thought they looked a bit familiar. They're staring at me, I'm just staring at nothing, My hands slowly raise up next to my head in fists, and make an exploding motion "mind. blown."

Ian and Anthony start laughing "it's good to see you're doing alright from last night" Anthony says as he pats my head

"yeah, good thing you're okay, uhh?" Ian says. I haven't told them my name "OH- my name is Kathryn! Kathryn Haynes!" I tell them as I smack my head. Ow. That hurt. I rub my head where I hit it

"Awh, that's a pretty name" Anthony smiles at me, I immediately blush and start laughing like an idiot, Anthony laughs at this, suddenly, I realize something

"Clothes! MINE! Yours? HERE! WHERE?" I yell out, I immediately cover my mouth with both of my hands, Ian bursts laughing while Anthony tries to make sense of what I just said "er- I meant to say: these clothes aren't mine.." I say as I point at my chest

"oh, right. We.. might have changed you" Ian tells me, I blush "wh-what.." billions of thoughts race through my head, my vision blurs and my eyes start to freak out. I feel myself falling backwards before, Ian and Anthony grab me and set me down on the couch, my head goes normal, and I'm met with the sight of Ian and Anthony very close to my face "AHH!" I scream as I see them.

"Woah, calm down, it's just us!" Ian laughs, I muster out a small smile and a nervous laugh

"What just happened?" Ian asks "oh, that happens to me sometimes.. when I over think something, or, other things happen.." I rub my eyes

A minute of silence passes "So, uh.. I know we just met, but, do we need to talk about what happened last night?.." Anthony asks, in a more serious tone

"what happened last night?" I ask, a bit spacey, as I sit up. They both look shocked "y-you don't remember..?" Anthony asks me, I think for a minute, then the realization hits me. My expression changes to a more morbid one, and my posture slumps

"oh.. that.." I swing my legs onto the floor "nothing different from a normal day in my life.." I stand up and walk around the couch, they're watching me "what do you mean?" Ian asks, I can tell he's a bit confused. He really is a sweet guy, both of them. I take a deep breath and stand straight, I turn around with a smile "nothing.. I didn't mean anything.. listen, I don't want to be a bother! I'll grab my clothes and leave you cuties alone" I smile

"wha? No, well. At least let us feed you breakfast!" Ian yells at me "you need to have a proper breakfast!" He laughs, Anthony grabs my arm and leads me over to the table

"The young lady shall sit here" Anthony says in a fake french accent, this makes me giggle.

"Tell me dear Kathryn, do you like waffles?" Ian calls from the kitchen "well, actually, I've never had waffles." I say as I shrug my shoulders, Anthony and Ian have shocked looks on their faces, I giggle

"WE MUST GET ZE LADY WAFFLES!" Anthony yells as he speedwalks into the kitchen, I can't help myself to stare at his ass as he walks. I look up to see Ian smirking right at me, I blush and look towards the mail piles

"so, er, were you guys filming when I came out? Or were you just flipping through mail?" I ask Ian, trying to get him to stop smirking

"actually, we were just about to start filming" Anthony calls as he bites into a biscuit "oh, sorry about interrupting" I say "Nah, it's fine! We were worried about you. Even tho we didn't know anything about you" Ian laughs. I laugh and glance out the sliding glass door, I see a familiar face over the fence, my heart stops, Jacob's smiling as he watches me, not lovingly, but like he's planning something. He waves at me, my mouth is agape

"hey, what'cha looking at?" Anthony asks as he walks over, I turn to him then turn back to the door, he's gone

"uhm, nothing. Thought I saw someone I.. knew.." I mumble as I stand up "nunununuuuu! You must stay!" Anthony says as he pushes me down into the chair, I smile, he smiles and blushes

"ALRIGHT! Waffles are DUNZIES" Ian screams as he holds up a plate of waffles, I giggle, he hands me a plate of waffles with syrup and butter with a bit of eggs and bacon on the side, and a glass of milk, I smile

"wait, are you a vegetarian?" Ian asks, trying to pick up my bacon "hell no, I need my damn bacon!" I yell, they both laugh, I smile as I take a bite of waffle

"damn! These things are good" I say as I take another mouthful of waffle. Ian and Anthony sit down with their plates

"sooo, uh, do you think we could get to know a little more about you?" Anthony asks "sure, you want to know anything, just ask!" I smile

"alright, how old are you?" Anthony asks "ON ONE CONDITION" I say while waving one finger in the air

"name it" Ian says "if I want, I can ask you the same question" I say as I shove a bite of egg into my mouth, before Anthony can say anything, Ian screams out "DEAL" I laugh

"okay, you may continue" I wave them

"okay.. again, how old are you?" Anthony asks "I'm nineteen." I tell them, they seem surprised "how bout you guys?" I ask them "we're both twenty-three" Anthony tells me as he bites a bit of bacon

"where are you from?" Ian takes a sip of milk, I giggle at his milkstache "I'm originally from Pennsylvania, but when I turned thirteen, me and my father moved to New York. I just got to Sacramento a couple weeks ago" I tell them. A couple minutes of silence falls over us, until

"Hm.. uhm. I have question. but, I don't know if it's too much." Anthony mumbles "go ahead, ask me anything!" I say in a reassuring tone "Do you.. know the guy that did it to you..?.. I heard you call him Jacob before he.. uh." Anthony asks, with a completely serious look on his face. I think for a moment and sigh, I put my utensils down and look towards the ground, I hear Ian punch Anthony

"Ah! I'm sorry-! Just forget that I asked!" Anthony tried to apologize

"I do know him." I mumbled, I could sense them looking at me "he's my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend, no! He was never my boyfriend.. He took advantage of me. Ever since I met him, he's been controlling me. Making me do things-!" I begin to start crying, tears dripping off my nose and chin. My fists are clenched, and my hair is covering my face. I look up and Anthony and Ian's eyes are big and glassy, I wipe away the tears on my face and smile

"sorry, I was rambling" I chuckle "any other questions?" I ask as I wipe off my face with a napkin, they both blink a couple times, and take deep breaths

"no, not really" Ian says to me "well.. I guess I should go" I stand up, they both stand up

"do you really have to go so soon?" Anthony asks in a saddened tone

"I don't want to bother you anymore, thank you so much for what you've done for me!" I say as I hug both of them.

I grab my clothes "where would your bathroom be?" I smile

"first door on the right of the hallway" Ian yells to me. I walk into the quaint little bathroom and remove my shirt, I look at my bruised body in the mirror, the cuts all over my body, my neck, ribcage, wrists and many other places 'I wonder if they saw any when they changed my clothes' I ask myself, I see myself blush in the mirror as I think of one, or both of them seeing me without a shirt on. I put on my own shirt and slide the black pants off, I step into my own blue striped pants, the clothes feel cold from the rainwater that was dried into them, I fold the clothes that were given to me and step out of the bathroom. I see Ian and Anthony getting their shoes on "you guys gonna head out too?" I ask as I place the clothes on the couch, they both look at me

"actually, we're going to drive you to your place!" Ian smiles, my heart skips a beat

"Uh, no need for that" I stammer

"nonsense!" Anthony shouts

"nono-really! You don't have to!" My voice squeaks, their eyes stare suspiciously at me. I stare back, then smile, they laugh

"c'mon!" Anthony grabs my hand, I blush and follow him out the house and towards the garage. He shoves me in the car and I see him and Ian jump in the front seats, Ian starts the car and starts backing out of the driveway

"Okay! THANKS FOR THE RIDE, I CAN WALK FROM HERE!" I yell as I open the door and stumble out of the slowly moving vehicle, I fall on my back onto the grass, my foot got tangled in the seatbelt, they both yelp, Ian stops the car and they both practically fall out of the car. Ian untangles the belt from my foot

"why are you so eager to get away from us?" Anthony helps steady me, I sigh

"I.. I don't actually have a place to live.." I stare at my feet and begin taking deep long breaths "what?" They both ask in shock

"I've been wandering the streets. It's what I was doing last night." I shift my feet

"well.. Then stay with us!" I look up at Anthony, my face plastered in shock

"wh-what?" I'm stuttering from the surprise Anthony just gave me

"You trust us right?" Anthony asks me, my answer is a simple nod "we trust you too" Anthony laughs

"We do have an extra room, we use it as an editing room, but it has a bed!" Ian states, I'm still surprised, they both get on their knees

"pleeeaaaassssee!" They're both begging me to stay, I don't see why not, I nod

"o-okay! I can stay!" I say happily "yaaaaay!" They both dance around, I give a small laugh at this. They drag me back inside and begin to show me the room

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_**Woo! Chapter 1 done :) hope you enjoyed at least a sliver of it :P please leave feedback, and don't be a troll -_- please.. no trolls.. *sigh* bye :)**_


	2. The dream

_*******Quick note ;P hey, its me from later time! i decided to fix up the first three chapters a bit :3 enjoy, and now back to past Turtle* **Okay, this one is a bit more serious. I warn you.. hope you guise like teh story, I don't really like how I wrote this, but I guess it'll have to do. remember to ignore any spelling errors, or random words, the cause of those are the autocorrect._

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_I'm sitting on my living room couch, my father is yelling at me for god knows what, I'm not looking at his face, I don't want to. I feel his fist hit my face, the force causes me to fall off the couch, I whimper and try to crawl away, but he won't let me._

_We're in the bedroom now, the walls and couch have morphed into the the pink orange wallpaper, and the fourpost queen bed. My wrists are being cut into by the rope tied to each post, he's already taken all my clothes off, I'm just whimpering, until he comes in. He's not wearing anything. I scream as he gets closer, I'm crying and screaming "Dad! Please stop!" I cry out, tears streaming down my face as he climbs onto the bed._

I feel myself being shaken, not by my father, someone else. Slowly, everything fades, my father, the bed, the walls, the rope, I open my eyes and I see Anthony watching me, he's scared "Anthony?" I sit up "what's wrong?" I sniffle

"I was going to get something to drink, and I heard you whimper. and.. say some things." He mumbles to me, I wipe away the tears on my face, I look down at my lap "Kathryn.. what did your father do to you?" my eyes start fill again, I feel the warm tears fall off of my eyelashes, I look up, Anthony is staring me, he grabs my hand and moves closer, and pulls me onto his lap, he wraps his arms around my small body

"it started when I was six.. My mother was murdered by my father, but he made it look like an accident. He had hired some professional hitman to get into a car accident with her, and knock her off a bridge.." Anthony begins rocking me "he had debt with gambling and such, so he blew all of her money on that, after she died, and she took the rest of her money, and we left to new york. He was an alcoholic, so every time he got mad he would take it out on me, hitting me, and yelling at me.. then, when I turned thirteen, he... He started looking at me differently.. when I would bend over to pick something up, he would be staring me.. when I would shower, I would walk to my room in a towel.. and he would watch me." Tears keep rolling down my cheeks "until, one day. He was yelling at me.. and he hit me to the ground, a-and.. He r-ripped m-my clothes off." I feel Anthony tense up

"I remember waking up tied to the bed.. He walked in, and h-he wasn't w-wearing anything" I'm trying to talk between sobs, Anthony's holding me tightly. I take a deep breath "I couldn't do anything, until. I met Jacob. I was sixteen when I met him, he found out about my father only days after we both said hi to each other.. I thought he was good for me, he told my father to stop or he would turn him in. I didn't realize, I should've been careful of him. I guess he figured since I was used to it from my father, he could do anything he wanted to me" My voice is now a whisper "..after a party at my school, I woke up in a strange place.. I was tied down again.. there was so much blood, I had long cuts all up my arms. And he walked in.. He was holding a knife, not wearing anything. And he was smiling.." I'm clinging onto his chest, he's rubbing my back. I sit up and look towards the floor

"he kept me there for two weeks.. when he let me free, he said I would have to keep quiet otherwise he would kill me.. He eventually turned my father in, he was sentenced to life. Jacob started calling himself my boyfriend, he made me move in with him.. I left New York to get away from both of them. But, he found me.." Anthony holds me so tightly, it doesn't hurt, it's loving. I look up at him, he has tears in his eyes and tear streaks on his face, I sit up and look into his eyes, I wipe away his tears with my thumbs

"please don't cry, Anthony.." I tell him as I hug him "I can't help it." He mumbles as he holds me, I feel safe in his arms

"I'm so sorry" Anthony whispers as I feel a tear drop on my hair, he holds me until my eyelids can't stay up any longer, and I drift off into slumber.

* * *

I wake up to an empty bed, I breath in, wipe my eyes and yawn, I sit up and reach for the bedside table. After five minutes of reaching, I look over and I see the table clean with nothing on it, I squeak. I walk out of the room with my hands over my eyes, I keep bumping into things, I obviously can't see, so I don't notice when Anthony is standing right in front of me, I walk into him and scream, I almost fall, but he catches me

"Woah, calm down, it's just me" he laughs as he puts me back on my feet

"OH-er, heeeeeeyy Anthony!" I try to talk in a non-panicked tone, covering both my eyes with my left hand, I try to lean against the nothingness next to me, and fall over the couch, Anthony laughs, and I hear Ian come out of his bedroom

"hey, morning Anthony. You alright, Kathryn?" I hear him chuckle

"Mrphg" I push my face up from the couch cushion "yeah, yeaah, I'm fiiiiiinnnee" I stumble to my feet "I could've used a little help, but other than tha-" they're staring at me, I realize that I have my hands on my hips. Not on my eyes. My hips.

I scream and cover my eyes, I try to run away, but I end up tripping and falling into Anthony's arms, my arms cling to him as I look up at him "y-your eyes." Anthony moves a piece of hair out of my eyes, I stand up and cross my arms and look away

"Okay, okay, Look, I know my eyes are weird!.. I can't find my 'normal eyes' contacts.. as soon as I do find them, you won't have to see my horrible devil eyes." I run into the bedroom and start looking for the contact case, they're watching me from the door

"uh, Kathryn?" "Not now Ian, I MUST LOOK NORMAL" I dive under the bed, only my flailing legs are seen, I hear them chuckle at this sight

"Kathryn, I didn't know whose they belonged to, so I put the contacts in the bathroom" Ian tells me

"what?" I bump my head on the bed. Ow. I crawl out from the bed and go up to him

"why you no tell meeeee" I run past him to see Anthony blocking the bathroom door with his arms and legs spread

"Hey, do you seem to be able to see just fine without them" He says "wha?" "Do you need them to see? You know, are they prescribed?" He asks me

"No, I use them so I can be somewhat normal!" I try to pry him away from the doorframe "c'mon Anthony! Let me throouugh!" I grab his hand

"I won't let you use them unless you need them to see" He yells "ugh! Why not!?" I pout and cross my arms

"you shouldn't use them!" He yells

My face is filled with shock "What?! Of course I should!" I look into his eyes "with those contacts, I'm a tiny bit less of a freak!" I throw my arms in the air "you wouldn't understand, you don't have these stupid burdens" I growl

"Burdens? Who the fuck told you that? your eyes are awesome" Ian yells from behind me. Did he just say what I think he said? I turn to him

"what?" I asked, I'm so confused right now, does Ian actually like my eyes?

"You really shouldn't deny people of this amazing feature" Ian smiles

My eyes widen in shock "What are you talking about, don't lie to me Hecox!" I yell at him, waving a finger towards him

"Kathryn, you have amazing eyes" I hear Anthony tell me, I look over my shoulder at him, I'm shocked "what.. n-no, I have weird eyes.. that's what everyone always says." I'm confused again.

Anthony turns me around completely and grips my shoulders "you have a blue eye, and a green eye, that's firetrucking awesome!" Anthony smiles at me, I smile and blush

"but, everyone always tells me that I'm a freak for having different colored eyes" I mumble

"then they're jealous! I know I am, I wish I had different colored eyes!" Ian smiles and blush an even deeper shade of rose

"You really like them?" I whisper, smiling and blushing, they both hug me

"again, FIRETRUCKING AWESOME!" Anthony yells, I squeak in delight. Someone finally likes my eyes. Amazing

"Wait a minute, why didn't I see your eyes last night?" Anthony asks, as we walk into the kitchen "I guess it was just too dark.." I mumble, he smiles "they really are awesome" I look at him and smile.

* * *

Soon enough, lunchtime rolls around "Hey Kathryn, you wanna be in a lunchtime with smosh?" Ian asks me

"Really? Sure!" I say with a huge grin, Ian smiles "what should we eat?" Anthony asks as he walks into the living room with his laptop in hand

"hmm, what's a good place.. we could get Thai food?" Ian shrugs his shoulders, I suddenly remember the Italian sandwich place I passed the other night "Hmm.. any ideas on where to eat, Kathryn?" Anthony asks

"well.. I did see a little Italian sandwich place that said they would make it to go! It was.. uh, where you found. Me.." I say as I nervously scratch my head, Anthony and Ian exchange looks

"I don't know.. are you alright going back there?" Ian asks me

"yeah.. I have no problem with the street" I laugh, they smile

"Alright! Let's go!" Ian yells as Anthony shuts off his computer and they both run out the door, I walk out slowly "uh, guys? I can't lock the door.." I yell while pointing at the doorknob.

* * *

We're soon on our way "alright Ian, you should start filming" Anthony says as he hands Ian the flip camera

"alright" Ian presses the camera app on his white iPhone 4 and then record "WELCOME TO LUNCHTIME, with jigglypuff" Ian whispers the last part "today! We have someone very very special with us!" Ian moves the camera and starts filming me, I don't notice this, and I'm still dancing to Lady Gaga on the radio

"That's some very good dancing" Ian says while trying not to laugh, I look at the camera and blush

"hiiiiiiii, people who just saw me dance" I say feebily as I wave and blush

"so, Kathryn! Would you like to tell the world WHY you are our special guest?" Ian asks, I smirk "weeellll, Ian and Anthony just found out that I've been living in their walls for the laaassstt six months, I would say? And they've decided to take me to lunch in appreciation of my dedication!" I say with a huge cheesy grin, and two thumbs up. Ian and Anthony start laughing

"dedication woo!" Anthony yells from the drivers seat, eyes still set on the world in front of him

"oh, and also because these two think I have awesome eyes.." I laugh, Ian smiles "well they are!" He yells "zoomie zoomie" Ian zooms in on my eyes.

* * *

When we pull into a parking space, me and Ian are having a 'worst singer' contest. I'm almost sure I'm winning. We walk into the restaurant and almost immediately I hear the voice that stings me

"KATHRYYYNN!" I turn around and I see Jacob coming in for a hug, I freeze as he hugs me, my heart beating a million times a minute "Its been a while" he says with a fake smile, I nervously laugh. He gives me a look, obviously telling me to say something

"y.. yeah, totally!" I try to sneak away from his grasp, but fail miserably

"oh, hi, do you know Kathryn?" I hear Anthony ask, he sounds a bit confused

"yeah, we've known each other since high school. My name is Harold, but you can call me Harry" he lies to them, my face is flushed of color, I just know it. I can see the look on Ian and Anthony's faces

"yeah.. good to see you. Harry." I can tell that both Ian and Anthony are suspicious of him. Good.

"I've been waiting for Damon all day, but he doesn't seem to be coming.. goodness I'm a lonely man" he laughs, the thought of my father's name 'Damon Kurn' runs through my head

"you ready to eat, Kath?" Anthony asks me, thank god they're here "YEAH!" I practically scream

"Kathryn, I know you have to order, but, I'm going to be leaving and I was wondering if I could talk to you outside real quick?" He asks, my heart has stopped. Actually, stopped. I think I might die today.

"go ahead.. just!.. Yell if you need anything!" I hear Ian say. Jacob drags me outside

"wh-what do you want with me.." I whimper

"I just want to tell you one thing" he smiles at my fear, almost laughing "don't worry" he leans in and kisses me, I'm caught off guard, and he holds me in place so I can't pull away, he pushes his tongue past my lips and down my throat "don't cry" I hear him whisper, I squeak, I know we're right in front of the window of the restaurant, and I know Ian and Anthony are watching us. He pulls away and whispers into my ear "I'll be watching. Don't tell them, or else you'll regret it" I know he's smirking.

"Alright, we'll keep in touch" he yells as he waves back at me, wearing the fake smile again, I watch him walk away, my thoughts scrambled, and my lips tainted by his poison. He always was an amazing kisser. I turn to the window and I see Anthony and Ian watching, Anthony looks like he's about to cry, and Ian just looks stunned.

I slink back into the restaurant. The drive back is quiet with only the words of Ian and Anthony talking to the camera, the rest of lunch is just sad and fake. Ian and Anthony act like it's a normal lunchtime, but this isn't real, this isn't smosh. I slowly slump into my room, Anthony didn't say goodnight to me or Ian, he just went in his room and turned off the light, not saying a word.

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_**Okay, chapter 2 done.. I really hate myself for just slamming the whole ' eye' deal in the story so quickly :L *sigh* I couldn't think of a way to make it seem less abrupt. maybe I'm too judgmental of myself.. hm..**_


	3. Serious actions

**____*********Quick note ;P hey, its me from later time! i decided to fix up the first three chapters a bit :3 enjoy, and now back to past Turtle* **Okay, a more serious chapter :p I've only written 3 chapters so far, so I'll be working on the fourth one after I've posted this. I hope you're enjoying the story so far, don't forget to leave feedback :3 AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: please forgive any spelling mistakes, random words (autocorrect) and anything else that might be weird :L

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I can't sleep, it's been hours since the incident with Jacob, but it's still stuck in my brain. I sit up, and swing my legs off the bed, I rest my head in my hands 'what did he mean "you'll regret it" would he kill me? Rape me again? Or maybe, I saw how he looked at Ian and Anthony.. what if he does something to them' I raise my head at this thought, I stand up 'No.. I can't let that happen, they're the only actual friends I had' I tell myself. I feel tears begin to stream down my face 'If I can do anything to make him leave them alone.. I know what I have to do..' I slowly walk to the door and peek out, no one else is awake, I'm the only up, I slowly walk out into the living room, past the couch and into the kitchen.

I look in the drawer and find the perfect tool, the blade is sharp enough to slice skin, I hold it up in the moonlight, I take it in my right hand and place it to the skin on my left wrist "goodbye Ian.. goodbye Anthony" I whisper as I press the sharp object onto my skin, until it breaks, the blood spills from my arm. The pain isn't as bad as the first time, but it still hurts like hell, I try to hold back my cries, but one escapes, I hear a disturbance come from inside one of the rooms in the hallway, the door to Ian's room opens, and I hear him walk out

"Kathryn, is that you?" I see him yawn before he comes into the moonlit room

"I-Ian.." My mouth is open, and my arm is still pouring blood, he rubs his eyes "what are you doing up so la-" his eyes settle on my arm, the look on his face is enough to make me want to start sobbing

"Kathryn.. what are you doing.." His voice is shaky "something that will help you" Tears are streaming down my cheeks

"Kathryn, put the knife down, let _me _help _you_.." he tells me in a commanding tone, he tries to walk closer, I pull the knife away from my wrist, and up to my neck "D-Don't come any closer, Ian!" I warn him, he steps back and holds his hands up, a sign of peace, he won't try anything.

"Kathryn, please don't do this" I start to push harder onto my neck, drops of blood start spilling

"Just go back to bed, Ian.. I need to do this, for your safety.." I try to wipe the tears away, but I find myself wiping blood across my face instead

"How will this help our safety!" He yells at me, I flinch

"I.. can't tell you.." I whisper, my heart hurts

"That doesn't do anything, Kathryn! Let me help you" he has tears in his eyes now. 'I can't let it get to me, I have to this' I tell myself, I close my eyes and press the blade harder to my neck.

I can't take it, it hurts too much, I scream in pain and fall to the floor, my hand still on the blade, and the blade still to my neck "KATHRYN, PLEASE STOP!" I hear Ian scream, then, the slam of a door echoes through my cloudy head, I turn my head to see Anthony standing in the hallway, eyes on mine, his mouth is open, he runs to me. My vision starts fading, and I fall forwards onto the floor. I can't hear, see or feel anything. I think. I'm gone.

* * *

I hear noises, like, machines, but, where am I? I slowly open my eyes, I'm in a white room, in a bed, machines to my left, and Ian and Anthony to my right, they're both sleeping. Anthony's got his head and hands on the bed, I reach out and grab his hand, he slowly lifts his eyelids, and looks up at me. He instantly sits up "Kathryn!" He says as he looks at me

"Anthony.." I squeak "where am I?" I ask, eyes still partially closed

"You're in the hospital" he tells me as he holds my hand "why am I in the hospital?" I ask him, still dazed and confused

"a couple hours ago, you.. had an accident.. in the kitchen, don't you remember?" I think for a second "oh, right." The memories flood back to my brain. I look up at him "you should've let me die." I tell him in a serious tone, he looks shocked

"I would never let you die.." He rests his forehead on my hand

"are they gonna let me go back?" I ask him as I squeeze his hand "they might. They've been really busy here, and if they need a room, they might send you home." Anthony's playing with my hand, I smile at this

"okay, misteeerrr Padilla! I really don't want to send her home, but her arm and neck aren't too bad. We put the stitches in, so that should help it heal, her neck didn't need any stitches, the cut wasn't that deep, she just has to keep the bandage on, a bandage for her arm too. But, we're going to need this room for a car crash victim, I'm going to need you to fill out these forms, and then you can take her home." A young female doctor says as she walks through the door, and hands Anthony a clipboard, with paper and a pen

"o-okay" Anthony says as he starts writing, After a minute or so, he hands the clipboard and pen back to her, she flips a couple of pages and begins writing

"alright, now, I know the nurse already asked you these questions, but we don't have the paper, or nurse nearby, so, are you or your friend" she points at a sleeping Ian "in anyway related to this young girl?" She points at me

"no, Kathryn's our roommate, and friend" Anthony says as he smiles at me, grabbing my hand and holding it tight

"okay, well, are either of you dating her?" Anthony blushes at this question

"n-no, like I said, roommate and friend." He tells her, I start to feel funny, like someone just gave me a really big glass of red bull, not hyper, but funny. and so it begins.

"Anthooonnny" I moan in sexual fashion, he blushes even more

"u-uhm, y-yeah Kathryn?" He leans down close to me, I pull him closer "I want you inside of me" I say in the most sensual voice possible, he stands straight up, and he looks so red

The doctor raises an eyebrow "i see.. well, I advise no sex for a couple of days" she says to Anthony, obviously not believing him after my last comment "yeah.. okay" Anthony's still blushing, I'm laughing like a madman

"Oh, and you'll of course, have to keep a very close eye on her, don't leave her alone" she says before reading her clipboard. "Okay, I'll have a nurse help you downstairs and to your car, you do have a car, right?" Anthony nods "good, so, right. Nurse will be in very quickly, and then you can go home!" She looks me in the eyes "You will be going home with these men, dial nine-one-one if anything happens" she tells me as she waves at me

"okaaayyy" I wave back, smiling and laughing, she leans close to Anthony "the nurse gave her some pain killers, these are the side effects" she walks out, as soon as she closes the door, Ian wakes up rambling about waffles.

* * *

The drive back to the house is filled with me singing badly, and trying to act like a dinosaur.

* * *

We reach the house, and Anthony helps me out, Ian unlocks the door and we walk inside the house

"where are weeee?" I ask as I cling onto Anthony "we're home" Ian smiles

"in New York?" I ask, still looking around, almost like a curious kitten in a new home

"no, you're not in New York anymore, Kathryn" Anthony smiles at me

"Anthony, you're so prettyyyy" I giggle, Anthony smiles. I slide down his body, so my face is right by his crotch "I like it better down here" I hug his waist, I look up and see him blushing, I giggle, and nuzzle his crotch. I turn my head to see Ian, crying from so much laughter, I laugh at him, Anthony picks me up

"I think you need to get some sleep" he carries me into my room, and sets me on the bed

"whaat.. it's only" I look a the digital clock next to my bed "4:27, I'm not" I yawn "that tired.."

"even if you're not tired, you still need rest." Anthony says, briefly reminding me of a parent talking to a child.

He tries to walk away, but I grab his shirt and whimper "please don't go" I give him puppy dog eyes, he smiles and sits down next to me on the bed, I hug him and smile

"are you tired, Anthony?" I ask, playing with his shirt like a young child does to stuffed toy "a bit, but I'll wait until you fall asleep" he says, as he pats my head

"nonsense!" I pull him down on the bed "you'll be sleeping with me tonight" I laugh, he smiles and blushes. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, I hold him, and we both slowly fall asleep. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Anthony. I'm sorry, Ian.

* * *

**_Oh fahk.. now I have to start writing chapter four .-. I've been trying all day, having a tiinnnyy bit of writers block, BUT-! I will force myself to write it, then go over it after I've written it, and make it better... it's what I do.. AND WOW, this chapter is, like, 700 words shorter. I'll have to write for a longer time.. maybe I'll try to make chapter four longer than 3,000 words.. I dunno, maybe, maybe not... bye now...  
_**


	4. GAMEBANG

_**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, I ACTUALLY DID IT! I was actually able to write a longer chapter and make up for the other ;w; yey.. anyways, **__**trying a new way for the story O.o tell meh if you like it... also, I'm sorry if my spelling hurts your eyeballs o~o *COUGH*imanidiot*COUGH* ._. **__**So yeah, I'm sorry I don't put a whole lot of detail in the story too ·-·**_

_**LETMEHSPEAAAAAK... THANK YOU... **_

_**I'm using a Kindle, so putting a lot of detail into a story is a bit hard, but I shall truly try my best to improve myself. I do have a lot going on in my life, so this is more of a hobby, I just got a ton of homework. I'm smarter in the world of Technology, Arts, and I'm kinda okay at math.. ( that was put in there to say I'm bad at everything else in the world .-. including writing) **_  
_**SO YEAH, gonna try and improve myself, SO YEAH, Hope you try to enjoy the story.**_

_**AND **__**ALWAYS REMEMBER: please ignore any spelling mistakes, random words (cause: autocorrect)  
**_

* * *

I slowly blink open my eyes, I'm in my room again, but I'm not alone, I have my arm laying across Anthony's chest. I smile and close my eyes again, I'm still partially asleep, so I don't even notice when Anthony gets up, my arm searches for his body, I sit up, my long brown hair covering my eyes

"anthony.. where'd you go?" I mumble, I move the strands of hair from my sight

I can see him stretching in front of the bed, he looks up at me and gives a sleepy smile

"morning" he yawns and raises his arms above his head

I smile "Good morning" I swing my legs down and stand up, I've done it too fast, I get dizzy, and I sit back down with a spacey look.

He notices "you okay?" He's a bit concerned

I nod "yeah just a bit dizzy" I laugh as I rub my head ( lolthatswhathesaid)

"how'd you sleep?" He starts flattening his hair with his hands

"Good" I stretch my arms as high as they can go, until, I whimper as a streak of pain shoots through my left arm. I rest my arm on my lap, I look at the bandage with a disapproving expression and sigh, he walks over and sits down next to me "I know I shouldn't have tried." I mumble

"its okay.. just, please, talk to us next time?" I smile and look up into his big Brown eyes, he's smiling too

"We love helping people" he pats my head, and wears a grin, I nod

"Now, how about we go get some munchies!" He has an extremely derpy face, I laugh and stand up, slower this time.

"yeah!" I walk out of the room, followed by a dancing Anthony

"Iaaaaaann!" Anthony screams as he and I enter the living room, Ian is checking his phone on the couch

"what'cha doooin?" I rest my head ontop of his

"just checking some stuff, nothing important" he finishes scrolling and puts his phone in his pocket

"hmm, oh Ian, you're so interesting" Anthony says sarcastically, he sits down next to Ian, I laugh and stand up straight, putting my hands to my back and pushing until my back gives a loud crack. Ian and Anthony are both staring at me, mouths agape

"what?" I ask, my facial expression is blank

"Doesn't that hurt?" Ian asks, cringing a bit

"no.. it feels good, this does too" I crack my knuckles, he shudders. Ian's phone buzzes, he pulls it from his pocket, I'm still stretching

"Ah, we gotta go in for gamebang" Ian starts typing away on his phone

"aahhh.." Anthony sighs and looks at me, I stretch my leg, "what about Kathryn?" Anthony whispers to Ian, he tries to make it so I don't hear, he fails

"I'll be fine on my own" I look at them and smile

"neh! the doctor told me to keep strict eyes on you. We can't leave you here alone!" Anthony stands up and shakes his finger at me

"We can take her with us" Ian states

"wha?" I'm shocked, knowing me, I'll probably break something, and meeting the rest of smosh games? No way, I wouldn't be able to handle the excitement "noooo, I-uuhhh- don't want to crowd you! I've already taken up a space in your house" I shrug my shoulders "I guess I'll just stay here.. away from anything fragile." I look at the plate on the counter and step back

"we have to take you." Ian stands up and faces me, I shake my head, he thinks for a second then smirks "You wouldn't want to be the cause of us having to cancel Gamebang, would you?"

my jaw drops at the thought "Nononononononono! I'll go- just don't cancel! I don't want to deprive the people of their gamebang"

"yay" Ian says in a baby voice as he flails his arms about

"uhm.. can we eat first?" Anthony asks in a feeble tone, right, I forgot he was hungry.

"Sure, but we have to go soon, about half an hour, we'll have to eat something small.." Ian says as he turns to Anthony

I realize something "OH!" They both look at me "I should probably take a quick shower.." I run my fingers through my hair, I laugh nervously

"I'll whip up something while you're in there" Ian walks into the kitchen and opens the pantry

"I'll take a shower too, in the other bathroom" Anthony struts past me

"other bathroom?" I look at Ian

"Didn't know we had two?" Ian laughs, I scratch my head and give an 'okay' look. I shrug and walk into my room, I sigh at the messy bed, and grab a shirt and pants from the little dresser in the corner, Ian and Anthony have been kind enough to give me some free smosh shirts, and some of their older smaller pants, I walk into the bathroom, lock the door, and turn the faucet.

I strip my clothes off, I take off my neck bandage, the other one is water resistant, and I step into the shower

the warm water hitting my face instantly calms my body 'alright.. this is the only real time I'll be able to think, besides at night.. but.. I like sleeping.' I tell myself, I have to think of how to deal with everything, I sit down in the tub and pull my knees to my chest, I let the water drip off my hair, and down my back 'time for thinking.. okay.. Ian doesn't know about my past, only Anthony. Does that mean he'll be safe, or in danger. Hmm. If Anthony finds out that Jacob is actually Harry, will he try to stop him? If he does try, Jacob might kill hi-' I jolt back to reality, the thought of Anthony being hurt makes my heart ache 'ugh.. don't think like that, Kathryn.. but, maybe I should just tell them everything. It might actually keep them safe' I rest my head on my knees 'no, its true.. if Jacob finds out that I told Anthony, he'll kill him. He's done it before. I don't know what to do, c'mon brain! You can do better than this!' I'm yelling at myself, the drops are soothing, I take a deep breath.

I stay in the shower for at least, ten minutes before I get out, I pull the towel from the rack and dry my hair, then the rest of my body 'maybe going to the gamebang will help me relax' I smile and stick my arms through the straps of my bra. My shirt is a light blue food battle shirt, and I'm wearing Ian's old jeans, they're a bit baggy but not too bad, I fix the bandage back to my neck, and open the door and walk into the hallway.

I hear another door open and I turn my head, Anthony's walking out of the other bathroom, in nothing but a towel. My eyes widen, he looks me and laughs "hey Kath" he waves

it takes me a moment to register his words, and wave, until I finally manage to say "Ah- Hi Ambathony-!" I cover my mouth as he breaks laughing 'oh god! Did I just call him Ambathony?' he walks into his room, still laughing, I walk out into the living room, Ian's confused at Anthony's laughter and my face "what happened? Ya see Anthony in a towel?" He jokes, he looks at me and sees me nod my head.

He laughs as he butters his toast, eventually we do leave the house, after a short breakfast made up of toast and orange juice.

* * *

As we're in the car, I stick a piece of bubblegum into my mouth, as I'm chewing, I bite my tongue "ow.."

"what happened?" Anthony asks me as he looks at me from the the passenger seat

"I bit my tongue" I stick my tongue out and look out the window "I feel like a dog" I mumble. I lean out the window and begin panting like a dog, I'm getting lots of strange looks from the other people, but I'm very sure I inspired a couple of kids to start doing it.

* * *

Once we get to the building, I stretch my legs and crack my back, which causes Ian to cringe. Teehee. We walk to the building and of course the first thing that happens is, I walk into a door. I've left a face smudge on the glass door, I rub my face, Ian presses the button on the elevator

"you're really clumsy, you know that, right?" Ian laughs as him and Anthony step into the surprisingly small lift, I smile and step into the elevator next to them.

Anthony presses the button for the second floor, lovely elevator music plays on the way up, once the door opens, I'm met with a long hallway with doors on both sides, and one door at the very end

"welcome to smosh games" Ian and Anthony spread their arms and pull me out, My head turns from left to right, I can see into the rooms, I see the room for super mari fun time, a green screen room, an editing room, it's small, but amazing. They take me to the second to last door on the left side, inside are the people I only dreamed of meeting, Lasercorn, Jovenshire, Sohinki, and Mari.

they're chatting with each other, but turn to us when they hear Anthony scream "HEEEYYY GUUYSSS!"

Mari smiles and walks towards Anthony and Ian, so do Joven, Sohinki, and Lasercorn. I'm left by the door, still trying to figure out if this is all a dream, I'm so lost in thought I don't see Joven walk up to me. Joven waves a hand in front of my face a couple times and raises an eyebrow

"hey, I think your friend is broken" Joven yells towards Ian and Anthony

I snap out of my trance "What? Oh- Hi.."

"Hi" Joven smiles while giving me a small wave, Mari walks towards us "Hi, I'm Mar- Oh my god! You're eyes are awesome!" She yells as she leans in and stares into my eyes

"oh thanks, and I know who you are, Mari! That sounded a bit creepy...uhm, you're Jovenshire, Sohinki, and Lasercorn" I point to each of them as I say this. Lasercorn and Sohinki walk towards me

Joven gasps "People really do know we exist!" He laughs

"I'm Kathryn" I shake Joven, Lasercorn, Sohinki and Mari's hands "Hi Kathryn!" Mari does a little wave "so, how do you know Ian and Anthony?" Joven asks me, obviously we've never met before, so the question is right to ask

"Uhhm" I don't know what to say "she lives with us" Ian's right behind Joven and Mari, he must've snuck up, that or he's just unusually quiet when he walks. Joven jumps and turns to Ian, shocked "don't scare me like that!" He screams at the now laughing Ian, Mari crosses her arms "yeah. I was about to go all ninja on your ass!" She makes a kung fu motion with her arms. I giggle and look up, Anthony's dragged Lasercorn and Sohinki to the corner and is talking to them, they're definitely trying to be quiet

"So you live with the smosh boys? The smoshies. The smosharoos. Smosharoonies..." I turn my attention back to Joven and Mari, who seem very interested in me. That's a first.

"Y-yeah. I live with them" I smile 'I live with them.. YEAH! They care about me, they really do!' This thought makes my heart melt, and my smile grows.

"She needed a place to stay, she's not that crazy! Hasn't tried to kill us" Ian laughs, I laugh "yet" he murmurs, my eyes widen, and he laughs at my reaction "I'm just kidding Kath, I know you're not gonna kill us.. maybe..." Ian laughs again, I laugh too this time.

"Well at least there's another girl now" Mari gives me a thumbs up

"Ooh, two ladies" Joven says in a fake seductive tone, I blush mildly and smile

"So, are you gonna be in the gamebang?" Mari asks me, she has a hopeful glint in her eyes, I don't know how to react

"no- I'm just here because.. uhm- Anthony has to keep an eye on me..." I mumble the last part, I don't want them to know I'm a crazy suicidal person

"Keep an eye on you?" Mari is confused, I don't want them to know, I cover my neck with my long hair, and hide my arm, my heart starts beating fast. I'm very sure Ian sees the look on my face "she's been a little dizzy, she bumped her head last night. The doctor said we should keep an eye on her" Ian explains, I sigh, and the jackhammer inside my chest turns back into a heart.

Anthony, Lasercorn and Sohinki walk over to us. Anthony looks a bit sad 'i wonder if Anthony's okay?' But I don't want to pry, so I pretend to not see his expression

"you guys ready?" Sohinki asks, Joven yells an enthusiastic "YEAH!" While everyone else just shrugs their shoulders

"Hey, you ready?" Lasercorn and Sohinki ask me, both have grins plastered on their faces

"uhhh" is all I can say

"C'mon, you're playing with us!" they both grab my good arm and drag me to the couch, I'm shocked "guys! Kathryn's gonna join us" Lasercorn yells, Mari yells "Yay!" and Ian flails his arms in happiness.

"Once we start recording, we'll all yell Gamebang. You too, don't be shy" Anthony tells me while giving me a small smile, I can tell he's trying to hide pain, something's wrong, but I still push that thought away and smile and nod

Everyone sits down, and Ian begins taking towards the camera "Hey everyone, and welcome to another Gamebang!"

"GAMEBANG" everyone yells, but my yell is more of a squeak

"First off, I know you're thinking: who is the girl in the back" Ian points at me "She's Kathryn! An awesome friend of ours, and she's going to be playing with us in this Gamebang!" Ian explains, I only give the camera a small wave

"So Ian, what are we going to be playing today?" Anthony puts his hand to his chin, in a fake thinking position "we're gonna plaaaayyyyy Lips number one hits, because we're just that cool" Ian raises the Xbox microphone into view, and mildly shakes it

"It's a singing game, and we're all going to sing one song, the two lowest scores have to sing Barbie girl together" Anthony has a grin on his face

"Ian's up first" Anthony pushes Ian forward, until he stands "what am I singing, dearest Anthony?" Ian wears a fake English accent. Anthony flips through the songs "I don't know a lot of these!" Anthony yells, smiling as he does

He stops "okay, you're gonna sing heart of glass" Anthony laughs as he sits down, Mari laughs

"Ahh! I never knew the words to this song!" Ian yells as the song begins to play.

Ian messes up multiple times in the song, either swearing or just yelling gibberish, by the end everyone's laughing.

**A/N: yeah, wasn't too sure on what to do here. I was going to put the actual lyrics to the songs, but that would've been too long, and I also didn't want to go through each song and add other dialogue and actions... sorry :s**

It went, Sohinki singing Heartless, Lasercorn singing California love, Anthony singing the Fear, Joven singing Just dance, Mari singing Don't worry be happy

And now me, Mari's making me sing Viva la vida.

"Woo Kathryn!" Mari yells as she fist pumps, I turn and laugh, the music starts and I look back, here we go.

_**I used to rule the world **_  
_**Seas would rise when I gave the word **_  
_**Now in the morning I sleep alone **_  
_**Sweep the streets I used to own**_

_**I used to roll the dice **_  
_**Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes **_  
_**Listen as the crowd would sing **_  
_**"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"**_

_**One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me **_  
_**And I discovered that my castles stand **_  
_**Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand**_

_**I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing **_  
_**Roman Cavalry choirs are singing **_  
_**Be my mirror, my sword and shield **_  
_**My missionaries in a foreign field**_

_**For some reason I can't explain **_  
_**Once you go there was never **_  
_**Never an honest word **_  
_**And that was when I ruled the world**_

_**It was the wicked and wild wind **_  
_**Blew down the doors to let me in **_  
_**Shattered windows and the sound of drums People couldn't believe what I'd become**_

_**Revolutionaries wait **_  
_**For my head on a silver plate**_  
_**Just a puppet on a lonely string**_  
_**Oh who would ever want to be king?**_

_**I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing **_  
_**Roman Cavalry choirs are singing **_  
_**Be my mirror, my sword and shield **_  
_**My missionaries in a foreign field**_

_**For some reason I can't explain **_  
_**I know Saint Peter won't call my name **_  
_**Never an honest word**_  
_**But that was when I ruled the world**_

_**I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing **_  
_**Roman Cavalry choirs are singing **_  
_**Be my mirror, my sword and shield **_  
_**My missionaries in a foreign field**_

_**For some reason I can't explain **_  
_**I know Saint Peter won't call my name **_  
_**Never an honest word **_  
_**But that was when I ruled the world**_

As soon as the song ends, I take a deep breath and cough, I know I messed up a lot throughout the song, I turn to them

"I did okay" I laugh, Mari stands "well I know you did way better than me and Lasercorn, so you're safe" she laughs, I can't stop myself from smiling, I sit down

"Alright, Anthony what're the scores?" Ian looks over Anthony's shoulder, he's looking at his phone

**A/N: the scoring system on this game is very strange ._. I only watched one video on it, so that's where all my knowledge of this game is coming** **from.**

"Okaay,  
Sohinki came in first with 4,377,862  
Kathryn in second with 4,362,628  
myself in third with 3,538,886  
Ian in fourth with 2,866,887  
Joven in fifth with 2,389,276  
Lasercorn in sixth with 1,887,773  
And finally, Mari in seventh with 1,228,866" Anthony reads from his phone, Mari holds her head in her hands

"ahhh, I'm not good at singing Barbie songs!" Mari laughs.

Lasercorn and Mari stand up and grab two microphones, Ian scrolls over the song until we see Barbie girl, he hits play, this should be interesting

_**Hi Barbie **_  
_**Hi Ken! **_  
_**Do you wanna go for a ride? **_  
_**Sure Ken! Jump In...**_

_**I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic! **_  
_**you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation **_  
_**Come on Barbie, let's go party!**_

Me and Ian have to put our hands over our mouths to stop the laughter

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world _**  
**_Life in plastic, it's fantastic!_**  
**_you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere _**  
**_Imagination, life is your creation_**

**_I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly_**

**_You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink, kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky..._**

**_You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"_**

"I just realized how creepy this song is" I whisper to Ian whilst still muffling my laughs

**_(uu-oooh-u)_**

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic! _**  
**_you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation_**

_**Come on Barbie, let's go party! (Ah-ah-ah-yeah) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (uu-oooh-u) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (Ah-ah-ah-yeah) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (uu-oooh-u)**_

Mari is trying to continue singing, but just keeps laughing, Lasercorn is still singing, well, it's more like yelling

**_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees _**  
**_Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again, hit the town, fool around, let's go party You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours" _**  
**_You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"_**

**_Come on Barbie, let's go party! (Ah-ah-ah-yeah) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (uu-oooh-u) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (Ah-ah-ah-yeah) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (uu-oooh-u_**)

Anthony, Ian and myself are all laughing like maniacs, while Joven and Sohinki have a little more control

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic! you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation_**

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic! you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation_**

"AHH, When does this end!?" Mari yells, she's not actually mad, she's smiling, it's so awesome that they all get to do this so much.

**_Come on Barbie, let's go party! (Ah-ah-ah-yeah) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (uu-oooh-u) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (Ah-ah-ah-yeah) Come on Barbie, let's go party! (uu-oooh-u)_**

**_Oh, I'm having so much fun!_**  
**_Well Barbie, we're just getting started _**  
**_Oh, I love you Ken!_**

"FINALLY" Mari yells as she falls back on the couch, we're all still laughing, she looks at us and laughs

"3,982,378! YEESS!" Lasercorn screams, he fist pumps, this causes me to laugh harder, if possible "oh my god.. that was perfect!" I yell

"I thought you were supposed to be shy" Joven smirks at me, I blush "I-i.." I stutter, he laughs "I'm glad you're comfortable with us!" He smiles, I blush and smile

"ALRIGHT, so let's actually END the episode before we start talking" Anthony yells at me and Joven from behind, I can sense a tinge of anger in his voice

"GAMEBANG!" Everyone yells, Ian walks to the camera and clicks stop "alright! We just need to get it to the editing room, then we'll be good to go!" He gives a thumbs up, and him and Anthony take the camera out the door and down the hallway, out of sight.

Mari turns to me "I'm so glad there's another girl now, I can't talk about anything girly with them"

"Hey!" Joven stands up straight and looks at Mari

"well she can't" Sohinki cuts in, Joven looks at him and thinks for a second, then shrugs his shoulders and sits back down.

I turn my view back to Mari "so what's it like living with them?" Mari asks, leaning her elbow against the couch, and resting her head on her hand

"well, you've been to their house, right?" Mari nods her head, answering my question "it's like that, only you sleep, eat, and shower there too" I laugh, Mari smiles and laughs.

her sight travels to my neck and arm bandages, her expression changes to a hollow smile, she didn't notice them until now, they are skin coloured.

before anything else happens, Ian and Anthony stroll back in "it's being edited now, yay" Anthony claps his hands, I wave my arm in the air while yelling "yaaay" Anthony smiles  
"You ready to go home Kathryn?" Ian asks me, a simple smirk planted on his lips, I wonder what him and Anthony talked about while taking the camera to the editing room.

I stand "yeah" before I can start walking, Mari grabs my arm, I turn to her "no, don't leave me with.. them" she points at Lasercorn, Sohinki, and Joven

I giggle "don't worry, she'll be back" Ian is wearing a huge grin, I turn back to him an give him a loving smile "okaayy" Mari lets go of my arm

I walk to the door with Anthony and Ian, I look back, they're all waving "it was awesome meeting you" Joven smiles at me, I blush mildly "Please come back again" Mari flails her arms "Listen to them both!" Lasercorn yells

"Have a nice drive home" Sohinki calls as we walk out the door.

Anthony presses the button for the elevator "that was so much fun" I sigh, a smile still on my lips

"You've got to come back, it was fun with you here" Anthony tells me as we step past the doors "I would love to come back" I squeal in happiness, this causes them both to laugh

"You're definitely coming back" I smile at Ian as he says this.

We step out of the elevator and walk out the front doors. as we're walking to the car, I can't stop smiling, and I don't know why, it's not because of the gamebang, it's from something else.

Halfway home, the realization hits me hard._ Oh my god, I think i like Joven, and I think he likes me too._

* * *

_**Okay, I knew from the start that I wanted to do something with Jovenshire, and I know everything's looking towards Kathryn/Anthony, but you'll just have to wait and see what happens ;) ****and the reason why this one took me so long to write is because I got sick D: I'm still a little sick, but I decided that I would finish the chapter and post it for you :D and you read it, right? Good. hope you enjoyed it. tell me, what do you think is going to happen next? I would love to hear your ideas! and even if you don't have an idea, still say something, I love reading your posts :)**_

_**I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT I WROTE THIS WHILST EATING BANANA CREAM PIE.. WOO**_

_**Oh and, Hello Jacob, you know who you are. I hope you're enjoying the story, if you're actually reading it that is :P**_

_** alright! Cya guise :D xoxo  
**_


	5. You can tell me anything

_**Chapter 5.. yaaaaay... I wrote this last night, and put the finishing touches on it today :) also, I have a horrible memory, so I can't remember where the front door is adjacent to the couch and table. So yeah, please forgive anything that seems out of place o_o I'm still a bit sick, so that's why it took me so long to get this out. When I'm sick I don't get the writing feeling as much. But I listened to some MCR and that inspired me to write c: so enjoy**_

_**AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: please ignore any spelling mistakes, random words (cause: autocorrect)**_

* * *

_Joshua and I are sitting at a simple white table, he's telling me about all the places he's been and everything he's done, I smile, and he takes my hand and looks into my eyes. It's like he's reading me. He's smiling, and he holds my hand tighter, but he begins to fade away, as if he was made of dust, my eyes widen in horror, slowly replaced by plain shock, his face still smiling. his eyes slowly fade to a dark brown, his body replacing him as Anthony's. He pulls me from the table and suddenly we're in a large open meadow. I look around, my face in awe and still shock, he looks at me and I can see into his eyes, my heart skips and my stomach flips. I start to speak, but he silences me with two fingers placed over my mouth, he leans in and our lips are about to meet_

A loud thump followed by pain causes me to jerk awake "ahhh..." I groan as I blink open my eyes, my back feels sharp snaps as I sit up. I blow a quick bit of air up to move the hair from my sight, I stand up and throw the blanket which tumbled to the floor with me, onto the bed. A quick push on my back, and a loud crack, causes my mind to clear, which also forces me to remember the dream I had just been in 'It was obviously my mind trying to say something.' I sigh 'That I like Joshua and Anthony' I slump onto the bed, my sight towards to the ground 'maybe.. maybe it's just a crush on joven. I mean, I've always felt bad for him when he loses in the gamebang and stuff..' I'm reasoning with myself. How weird is that? Before I can tell myself anything else, hundreds of thoughts bombard me with one question

"well if you don't 'like' Joshua, what about Anthony?"

I sigh 'what about Anthony?.. He was in my dream too, and I did more with him than Josh' at the thought of our 'almost' kiss, I can feel myself going red, I stand up 'd-do I really like.. Anthony?' I stood there pondering this question for ten minutes, yes, that is a long time to think about one thing. I shake my head in disbelief as the only possible answer rings in my head

'noo, I can't lo-.. I can't love him. Can I?' My body is frozen, my heart racing 'I..I-I! Don't know. I've had that little crush on him forever, but I mean, c'mon, he's Anthony freaking Padilla! It's almost impossible to think he's not at least cute.. both of them. Smosh always makes me smile, and I'm living with them now- goddamn it Kathryn, you're fucking living with them now, you need to figure this out! If there's even the the slightest possibility that you're in love one of them, you've got to walk step to step through it.' I can't believe I'm going through this again. For the second time in my life, I have to tell myself if I'm in love with someone or not, and it's not easy

'I don't know, maybe I do.  
He makes me smile, but so does Ian.  
He makes me feel happy, but so does Ian.  
He makes me laugh, but so does Ian!  
That's it, he's just like Ian, he's just a really good friend! Maybe...' I run my fingers through my slightly tangled hair 'but then again  
He makes my heart flutter, unlike anyone else.  
He makes me blush when he smiles that beautiful smile, again, unlike anyone else..  
H-his eyes. Are so beautiful, I could get lost in them.. unlike anyone else.' Yes, I very much think it's true 'I love Anthony Padilla' More than a friend, more than any of my family,more than I have loved anyone in my life.

I groan as I feel the tugging in my stomach, the nervousness of all this is biting at me. I fall onto my bed face first "tell him, Kathryn" I say loudly into the mess of blankets, only a loud jumble of muffled words can be heard. I sit up "what?" I hiss in a short whisper "I said tell him" I say to myself in a simple monotone voice "I can't do that!" The spew of words leaves my mouth as a short whisper, it sounds more like the sound a cat would make, "why not?" i ask myself, simply wondering the answer.

"Why not?" A simple question right?

"Why? Because! Because. Because... I don't know." I sit there, the question 'why not?' burning into my mind, not that it's some sort of mind boggling question, it's that I don't have an answer. Why not? Why not indeed! I stand up and swing my door wide open, tumbling through it

"Anthony?" I call to the living room, I can hear the sound of a voice emanating from there. As I reach the light of the living room, I'm met with the stare of a green haired girl sitting on the couch, holding a phone to her ear, I'm a bit shocked to tell you the truth

"Ooh- I'm going to have to call you back, Sarah" she says as she lowers her phone and presses the screen, she's staring at me, a small smile forms on her lips, not a happy one, a fake. "You must be Kathryn, Anthony told me about you" she says to me as she pushes her knuckles into the couch, pushing herself up and off of the couch, she sticks a hand towards me, causing me to jump back a bit. I know I have a confused look on my face, she catches on quickly

**A/N: I have nothing against Kalel, in fact, I really like her. she's unique, funny, and most importantly she makes Anthony happy.**

"I'm Kalel." She gestures her hand forward again, I simply shake my head, her eyebrow raises "Kalel Cullen. Anthony's girlfriend." My eyes widen, and my mouth opens a bit too

"Girl. friend?" Is all I can manage, she rolls her eyes

"Yeesss" she pushes her hand into mine, which causes me to, again, jump

"As in, you two are. Girlfriend and boyfriend?" She nods at the question "you kiss?" Again she nods "you hug?" She sighs and nods, crossing her arms in the process "you fuck?" She gasps and stares at me, she turns and walks to the kitchen "you didn't nod!" I call at her as she walks away, I can see her fists clench at this remark. I growl and walk to the front door, open it, and step outside, closing the door behind me. Ian's outside, walking back up the steps, I can see him looking through a bundle of envelopes, he looks up and smiles

"Hey Kath, what're you doing out here?" He asks, still flipping through the assortment of mail

"I wanted air. In my lungs. From outside." I tell him, trying to hide the dead look on my face with a small frown

"We have air inside the house. And you could've opened a window, you didn't necessarily need to come out in your sleeping shorts and shirt" he points at my sleeping attire, blue shorts that belonged to a teenage Ian, and a red v-neck that shrunk in the wash from Anthony.

"I like being outside. It reminds me of. Horses." Ian laughs at this remark "So you like horses?" He asks while raising an eyebrow

"Maybe I do." Actually, I've never seen a real horse, only in movies and photos. Hm. "Why do you have mail? The mailman hasn't come yet" I say, not really suspicious, but I'm trying to get off the subject off myself

"Oh, I forgot to get the mail yesterday" He chuckles and walks past me "you should come back inside, it's really cold out here" he walks into the house. Reluctantly, I decide to follow him inside, it is actually very cold outside. I immediately regret this decision when I see Anthony and Kalel leaning very close, almost kissing. I groan and slump onto the couch, arms crossed and sight set forward on the muted TV, I hadn't noticed the TV was on when I was talking to Kalel earlier, I wonder if they turned it on when we were outside.

"Hey Ian" I hear Anthony say, I just know that Anthony's got his hand wrapped around her waist

"Hey Ant. You just get up?" I hear Ian drop the mail onto the table and then see him in front of me, he sits next to me

"Yeah, I didn't know Kalel was here" I hear him chuckle "well I need to be here for lunch" I hear her giggle then silence, my guess is they're kissing. I can sense Ian watching me, and I suddenly feel him rest his head on my shoulder, I look at him, he laid his head towards the back of my shoulder, so I can see his face perfectly. He smiles at my obvious partially shocked expression, but I give a small smile and rest my head on top of his

"Oh, are you two _togeethherr_?" Kalel calls towards us in a teasing tone, I lift my head and look towards her, red written on my face. She laughs, and Anthony gives a hollow chuckle, I bite my lip to keep any rude words from fleeing my mouth "don't worry, you two look absolutely adorable together!" The same tone used in this spew of words from her mouth, I turn away from their gaze to hide my expression of annoyance towards her, to both of them actually, Anthony laughing along with her seems to have caused me the littlest bit of anger towards him.

"Calm yourself, I'm just teasing" Kalel says to me as she walks over, and grabs my shoulder, I turn back to her wearing the most loving fake smile I can muster, as soon as she sees my face, her eyes widen, and her jaw drops

"Uh.. are you alright, Kalel?" I ask, confusion also painted on my face. She moves a strand of hair away from my sight "your eyes" she whispers, in a barely audible tone "Green and Blue, My two favorite colors! The green's just like my hair, that's awesome" she hugs me, I cringe at the contact 'more like your hair is like my eye..' I tell myself. yeah, i don't like her.

"Hey, uh, Kalel. We gotta head out soon" Anthony calls, Kalel releases me and turns back, I breath heavily, being out of that girls grasp is a wonderful thing, I don't know why Anthony stays with her, she's a bit crazy. No, actually, she's a lot crazy.

"You're going to lunch, right?" Ian asks from behind me, I forgot he was there, I jump after I feel his arm on my shoulder, he's laying on me like a limp noodle, in fact

"Ian you noodle" I laugh, and he giggles as I lay back on him. It may seem like we're acting 'couplish' but we really don't have that attraction, we're just really awesome friends, we've gotten a bit more friendlier towards each other since the gamebang, it's really awesome to have a friend like him

"They totally like each other" I hear Kalel whisper, my cheerfulness drops and I hear Ian sigh, he's obviously not amused with Kalel's behavior either

"I thought you had to go somewhere" I say in a distasteful tone, she doesn't seem to notice, but Anthony does, he gives me a slightly annoyed expression, I pretend not to notice and go back to playing with my shirt

"yes! Anthony, you need to take a shower before we go for lunch" she pulls him close to her and and kisses him, I stick my tongue out and look away, I know Ian sees this, in fact, I'm still laying on him so I would think it would be impossible for him not to

"Okay, c'mon, you're coming with me" I see Anthony drag Kalel down the hall and into the room, me and Ian can hear them giggling along the way

I sigh and stand up off of Ian, walk to the table, slump onto the chair, and drop my head on the tabletop. I hear Anthony's door open and close, and the bathroom door open and close, after a couple minutes, we hear the water start. I sigh, I just know this is going to be a weird day

* * *

It's been half an hour since Anthony and Kalel left for lunch, and I've just been slugging around the house. finally, when I'm face first on the desk in my room, Ian decides to pay a visit to me

"Hey" he calls as he swings my door open, I simply wave him off, but he walks to me and lays his head on my back "why are you so grumpy?" He asks me, poking my arm process

"Mrrrph" I groan and lift my head, and turn my chair so I can look at him face to face "you don't like her, do you?" Ian asks me, voice monotone, and expression somewhat accepting

"Eh.." I shrug my shoulders, and turn back to the desk, laying my left arm on the desk, I drop my head again "why? I mean, I know she's a bit. annoying. But she's not that bad.." Ian asks me, he really has no clue about my feelings

"No '_specific_' reason.." I tell him from the table, I think he's sitting on the bed now

"C'mon, you can tell me anything! I can't help you if you don't tell me" I wave him out again "i dont need your help" I call to him. I hear him huff "I wanna know.." He groans, at this remark, I spin around and see him lounging on the bed, I roll my eyes and huff "I'm not telling you, Ian!" I run out of the room, and I hear the bed creak, Ian's running too. I run into the living room and around the table, Ian's on the other side, when he moves left, I move right. This goes on until I run into his room and hide behind his bed

"just tell me! I won't tell anyone else" he yells from down the hall, when he steps into the room, I'm sure he sees my hair behind the bed. He closes the door and tip toes around the bed, pulling me up onto the bed and holding me in place "pleeaaasse!" He whines, I try to wiggle out of his grasp, it's reminding of the bad memories caused by two certain people.

I huff and give an annoyed look "Fine!" I say, pulling out of his grasp and laying on the bed, my arms are crossed yet again, and my expression is sour, he doesn't seem to mind, he just sits next to me looking as eager as a dog with a steak. "Ian. how would you act if someone said they were in love with someone they only just met?" I asked him, my tone not as angry as my face looks

"Like, love at first sight?" He's a bit confused, I know that. I sit up and shake my head 'no' "its a girl, and she's known the person for over a week, they're friends.. She lives with two guys, one of them is the one she likes. one day they take her to their work, and she meets another cute guy, and she knows she likes both of them! And then she has a dream about both guys, and the cute guy and her are eating and he morphs into the friend! And she wakes up and thinks for a long while! And she realizes-!" I gasp, my voice is filled with an ever growing panic "she's in love with the friend.." I'm staring at the navy blue blankets on Ian's bed,I've pulled my knees to me chest during all this. My lip is quivering, and my eyes are glassy "but the friend has a girlfriend. that he loves very much. So the girl is left alone, with no one. No one except, the other friend. A young man, with blue eyes, and a bowl haircut. And she tells him all this." My eyes close as a tear falls from my eyelashes

"But she doesn't know how he'll react.." My voice is a whisper, barely heard by Ian, who's sitting there. confused, a puzzled look glued to his face.

"Uhm, could you give me a little more detail?" He asks, his voice feeble and quiet. My eyes flash open, and I stand up on his bed, fists clenched

"Goddamn it Ian! I'm talking about me!" I yell, I'm trying to hold back the tears, but I can't. I slump onto the bed after seeing the look of utter shock on his face "I'm talking about me.. and Anthony.." I mumble, hanging my head "I'm in love with Anthony, Ian. That's why I was acting like a bitch to Kalel.." I whimper, my back arched forward, I probably look like a troll or something. I feel horrible, Ian's probably going to yell at me and say 'Well Anthony and Kalel are happy with things! So back the fuck off!' or something like that. My whole body is shaking, my breath sounds like something a sick animal would make.

I was prepared for the worst, getting yelled at, maybe getting kicked out, maybe even getting hit, but I wasn't prepared for this. I feel Ian's warm body press up against mine, his arms wrap around me, and he pulls me to him, resting his chin on my head. I'm baffled, but I don't try to get out of his grasp, instead my body goes limp, and wrap my arms around him. My breathing slows and I simply hold on to him, not letting go, he's not letting go either. "I told you. You can tell me anything.." his voice is quiet and loving. I guess I can tell him anything. And I know what I have to tell him now.

I sit up from his grasp and look him straight in the eyes "Ian, I think you should know more about me.. about my father.." his expression is a mixture of shock and curiosity. I told Anthony, and now it's time to tell Ian.

* * *

**_Yey, not as dramatic chapters. In fact I think the next couple are going to be pretty easygoing.. and remember what I said, I like Kalel, so I better not see any comments saying 'how come you're making people not like Kalel' and shit like dat o3o alright? Good.. I'll be going, goodbye now, hope you enjoyed_**


	6. Am i going crazy?

_**Phew, here's the 6th chapter =u= sorry it took so long . I've been reading a lot of Soul eater fanfiction so ive been caught up with reading those.. and Facebook too, im stuck in its orbit. **_

_**ALWAYS REMEMBER: please ignore any spelling mistakes, random words (cause: autocorrect)**_

* * *

_"Ian, I think you should know more about me.. about my father.." his expression is a mixture of shock and curiosity. I told Anthony, and now it's time to tell Ian._

* * *

I told him. I told him everything, everything about my father, everything about Jacob, even about my dream. I think most importantly, I told him about 'Harry' and who he really is.

"I'll kill him.." his words drew me away from my thoughts and my face was immediately painted with shock "Wh-what?" I stutter, I'm not completely sure on if he said what I think he said or if it was my horrifying imagination. He's standing now, pacing around the room, lost in possible deadly thoughts

"If he comes near you, or anyone for that matter, I'll kill him" Ian's voice Is cold and full of hate, my arms are shaking and lips quivering

I find myself reaching for his arms, trying to calm myself and him "I-Ian-!" I cry, leaning forward, reaching for him as he turns to me. His eyes widen, and he catches me

"don't! Please don't!" I'm looking into his eyes, pleading him with every fiber of my being "Don't try anything!" I'm staring into his eyes, begging him to stay away

His expression of anger fades to a compassionate worried look and he sighs "only if he tries anything with you.." He places his hand on my hair and holds me up against his chest, I close my eyes and my breathing slows as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"Hey, why don't we go out?" Ian asks after a minute of silence has passed over our bodies, I open my eyes to see him looking at me, a smiling sprouting from his lips

"Where?" I release him and sit straight on the bed, cocking my head to the side. He simply smiles at me and let's free a laugh "I'm supposed to go out with Joven and Mari for lunch" Ian pats the top of my head, smiling like some sort of content real life anime character. My eyes widen at the thought of Joven, I keep my smile steady and happy

"Alright, I'm good for lunch with them" I laugh, closing my eyes for a pleasant expression. And suddenly he grabs my hand and leads me to the living room, confusion in my mind as my body slightly resists his actions "wait- where are we-" I start before he opens the front door and pulls me out, into the chilly air of the outside world, I shiver and gasp at the sudden coldness against my skin.

"We leave at once dear maiden!" He yells as he reaches for the keys in his pants, he locks the front door and starts fumbling to unlock his car. My eyes blink fast as his words reach my thoughts, but it's too late to protest as he's shoved me in the passenger seat and climbed over my lap '_its quicker_' he told me as I squeak at the contact of his body brushing against mine roughly

"alright, we ready to go?" He asked, lips curved up and arms clicking the seatbelt in it's rightful place at his hip, my face was still plated with confusion, mouth agape and eyebrow raised at all his sudden gestures this morning. My mind was still analyzing everything that had just happened when he shakes his head and turns his key, starting the car with a low grumble

My attention focuses on the noises and movement of the vehicle around me "wait, what?" I look around the car in confusion, my eyes rest on him "we're leaving? _Now_?" I ask as I lean towards him. He laughs and turns the steering wheel "of course we are" his sight is set on the road in front of him, but I guess he can multitask

"Why do you think I climbed over you?" He asked me, chuckling after the words left his lips

My eyes widen and I look to window "I thought it was 'quicker' " I make air quotes with my fingers, he turns to look at me and shrugs

"Well, yeah. But, we wanted to be quicker to leave!" He smiles at me. Damn, his smiles really do look like some kind of real life anime character's. I smile and sigh "well, I at least need some music" I twist the knob on the small car radio and start my search for music

"**_Papa-Paparaz-!_**"  
"_A man was attacked at th-!_"  
"_**My mama told me wh-!**_"  
"**_With Knives and Pens we made our plig-!_**"  
"_The woman's house burn-!_"  
"_** a scene, it's a goddamned arms race**_  
_**This ain't a scene, it's a goddamned arms race**_"

I stopped tuning, happy with my luck of finding a Fall out boy song. A smile planted on my lips as I nod my to the beat

"Fall out boy!" Ian enthusiastically yells as he smiles at me for a split second before turning back to face the road. my attention jolts to him, staring at him with surprised eyes "you listen to fall out boy?!" I practically scream, he nods his head in reply, I squeal in happiness "you just got fifty percent cooler!" I laugh.

* * *

Our ride is slightly longer than expected, but filled with music from Fall out boy, My chemical romance and Paramore. When we finally reach our destination of Panda express, we were almost yelling "But there's shit that I've done with this fuck of a gun, You would cry out your eyes all along" from the amazing My chemical romance song 'Mama'

We finished in unison as the last words left our lips "For tomorrow we die, And return from the ashes you call" our voices rose in sound, but immediately quieted as the music faded out. We sat there smiling until we noticed Joven and Mari sit at a table inside the small restaurant "oH! I almost forgot why we came here" I laughed as I smacked the palm of my head on my forehead. I unbuckled the seat from my waist, at the same time unbuckling Ian's aswell

"Right!" Ian nodded his head as he opened his door, careful to not hit the blue minivan that had parked shockingly close to us while we were singing. I open my door and stood, stretching my arms and cracking my knuckles, Ian grimaced at the sound and I simply stuck my tongue out teasingly

"C'mon" I walked on the white line dividing the parking spaces as if it was a balance beam, or a tightrope. The thought of a tightrope caused my mind to think of a circus, specifically one where I'm the ringleader, and Ian and Anthony are my two adorable clowns. I giggled at the thought of Anthony dancing around in bright colored makeup and baggy trousers.

Ian opens the door for me whilst bowing like a gentleman, I laugh and pat his head while skipping through the clear door "heeeyy!" I wave at Joven and Mari, they look up and smile at me and Ian

"Hey!" Mari stands to meet me and Ian while Joven simply stays put, chin resting on a propped up arm. After giving Mari a quick hug, I wave at Joven and blush mildly, he sits up blushing and waves

"I-i didn't know you were coming, Kathryn" Joven says to me, trying not to sound awkward as he smiles

"Well.. I had kind of a bad morning, and Ian invited me to cheer me up. At least, that's what I think" I look at Ian with a smile on my face, he nods his head in agreement with my statement. "Kath, you wanna come with me to order the food?" Mari points to the counter where a young man stands behind a simple gray cash register. I smile and nod, following Mari up to the marble counter

As soon as we reach the guy's sight, he lights up and blushes. He looks to only be about, sixteen maybe seventeen. He swallows and takes a deep breath, staring at me the whole time "Hi. W-what can I get you today?" He asks in a high tone, you can hear he's nervous around me and Mari. does this kid like me? I'm not pretty, don't know what the fuck is wrong with him. Maybe he's sick? yeah, that's probably it. "Wait, we don't know what to get Ian and Josh" Mari says, realizing our mistake of leaving Ian and Joven back at the table, my eyes widen a bit and I turn back to the two and see Mari already running over to them, probably about to ask what they want.

I blink a couple times and turn back to the kid, his eyes are wide and he's practically hyperventilating "hey, you alright?" I ask him, concern in my tone, His eyes open wider when I speak, and his breathing slows "I'm.. fine.." He tells me slowly, shock pouring from his expression. Mari suddenly appears next to me and I yelp "Joven wants a plate with Chow mein, kung pao chicken, and mixed veggies, and Ian just wants Madarin chicken and beef and broccoli. He said double on beef and broccoli" Mari tells the kid, he nods his head, writing all the orders down on a small notepad

"I'll take orange chicken, mushroom chicken, and chow mein" she smiles then turns to look at me "what do you want?" She asks, still smiling. I bite my lip and think for a second before realizing what she had said in the orders, I grin and look at the boy

"I'll have Orange chicken, beef and broccoli, and Chow mein" I smile happily, he writes down my order "Are you taking out or eating in?" A squeak of puberty flies through his voice as he asks me this, I wonder how old he really is. "Take out" I give a confused look to Mari "I thought we were eating here" unsure of the situation, I look around frantically, it's a reflex from my younger days.

"Nah, we're going to the park" Mari has a smile plastered on her lips, one so simple that it causes me to smile back, forgetting all my problems at the moment, and just smiling.

Our attention is stolen back to the boy behind the counter, after a short leave, he had returned with two boxes "here are the first two, madame" his voice is smooth, it seems his entire personality has changed in that voice, I look up, and to my horror, I see not the boy from before, but Jacob. My jaw drops and my eyes widened, nothing is different about him from when I last saw him when I was with both Ian and Anthony. his hair is still a dirty blond mess, cut short and swept it to the side, his broad shoulders and long slender frame. I didn't get a good look at him last time.

My shock was ignored by Mari as she took the two boxes "I'll bring these to the boys" she says to me as she turns and walks away, back to the table, I reach out for her, but miss by a hair. no one's watching me, Ian and Joven have their backs to me at the table, the only other people in the place are a young woman with her baby and husband, a teen guy with buds in his ears, no doubt he was listening to the music at full blast, and finally an older looking man silently eating alone in the corner.

He could kill me right now. He might've had a gun stashed in his pocket or a knife taped inside his shirt.

My life can end at this moment, and what do I do? I talk with the fucker.

"Hi" I say to him, my voice not higher than a small whisper. He smiles his smile, and leans over the counter, closer to me "I'll be back with your food" a simple sort of words. Is that it?

'I'll be back with your food'

He faces the girl he has tormented for years  
the girl he _beat_ every night with anything and everything he could find  
The girl he threw out of a second story window because I had tried to fight back, breaking three ribs, breaking my arm, and getting a concussion  
The one who ran away from him, as far as she could  
The girl he wants **dead**.  
And he says '_I'll be back with your food_'

I should be ecstatic he didn't want to try anything, he didn't threaten me or anything, I should be fucking jumping for joy. But I'm not. Maybe he doesn't want to make a scene, he wants our 'relationship' to be kept quiet from the random strangers around him. Yes, that must be it. But why is he here anyways?

He walks back with a smile on his face, handing me the food I can't I see any anger in his eyes, he's just smiling a dorky smile and laughs as I take the bag wearily, he waves as I walk away slowly, not bothering to turn my back to him. Ian and Joven are still talking to Mari, I turn to them for a second before turning back to look again, he's still there. Winking, he waves at me while we walk out. What the fuck is wrong with him? Does he know I told Ian? Is he planning something? Something horrible? When we're out of his sight I tug at Ian's shirt and he turns to look at me, seeing my expression his mood instantly drops and his head cocks to the side

"What's wrong?" He asks me, fear mildly dipping in his voice "I think... I think he's..." My voice barely above a whisper, I can feel Joven and Mari watching us, my body is starting to shake, Ian's mouth slowly opens in shock as he looks at my body from head to toe. He turned to Mari and Joven simply to say "You guys head to the park, we'll catch up!"

He looked back at me, I wasn't looking at him anymore, my sight was set on the window, or more precisely, the boy through the window. The one from the very beginning, his hair was a dirty blond and was swept to the side, his shoulders taller than I remembered, his frame was slender, and his smile, I had seen it all before. Was it possible that I mistaken him for someone else? He matched Jacob's profile almost perfectly, he just needed to be a couple feet taller, and a bit more muscular. So had I? Had I thought that the innocent kid standing behind the marble counter was the evil monster in my life?

"Kathryn?" A voice interrupted my deep thoughts and I whip my head back to the boy in front of me. Ian Hecox. "I-!" My heart his racing, I wouldn't be surprised if Ian can hear it.

"Are you alright?" He voice is a mix of confusion, love, worry. I regain my thoughts and smile, the shaking has stopped, I nod as I breath in, taking in the scent of the world around me

"I'm fine" yeah, everyone knows that lie. It seems Ian doesn't want to believe me, but I don't think he wants to pry, he puts on a smile and holds his arm out for me to take it

"Shall we go to the park then, m'lady?" He asks me, I link my arm with his and we walk to the car. I glance back, it's still just the kid. Just a somewhat normal teenager working a minimum wage job in the heart of the town.

But I can't shake the thought, I heard Jacob's voice, I saw his eyes. I felt his presence.

I open the door to the small car, sitting and closing the door as soon as my body hits the chair. As Ian starts the car, two questions come to my mind

Is my mind playing tricks on me?  
Am I going crazy?

And the only answer that could possibly make sense is the one nobody wants to hear.

_Yes._

* * *

**_im going to try and get the next chapter out faster than this one was.. I dont know myself why it took me so long to write this chapter, possibly a miniscule writers block? Hmm.._**

**_AND OH MY GOD GUYS, i just finished watching the newest episode of the walking dead.. oh my god.. _**

**_so, yeah. bye now ^_^_**


	7. Park

**_omfg, im so sorry guys ;~; I've been going through some stuff and i got out of the writing spirit. also, at one part Ian was supposed to say something and of course i fucking forgot it omg, that stopped me from writing for a day or so while i was trying to remember what it was, never actually remembered so he just says "kay" ._. okay.. go read now. go. goooooooo. A GOGO. why are you still here? GO READ DAMMIT_**

**_ignore any weird shit with spelling or random words (cause: autocorrect)_**

* * *

It's nice in the park, the breeze flowing through my strands of hair as we eat our food. It only took ten minutes to drive here, as soon as we reached our destination, me and Ian could both see Mari and Josh setting up on a picnic table in the shade, my head hung in the sunlight as we approached them, all the way Ian stealing worried glances towards me. When our food was set up everyone was quiet, only Mari and Ian making small talk once every couple minutes. a sigh erupted from my throat louder than expected, Joven and Ian looked up at me which of course resulted in me blushing and staring down at my food.

"Guuuyys" Ian whines, sounding like an injured animal to everyone around us "we're fucking smosh, we're not allowed to be in awkward silences! It goes against almost every single smosh rule!" Ian throws his head back as his posture slumps, he's pouting. "smosh rules? When did we get those?" Joven's eyes open wider, Ian's in the moment, wanting to get everyone going, that's what he does, he gets you going and laughing. I smile at my food as I remember Ian making me laugh this morning when Kalel was being annoying and- oh shit. Kalel and Anthony, I completely forgot about them, shit, shit, shiiiit. 'I need to apologize, that's a definite' I remind myself of this and make a note in my mind; not good enough.

"Ian" my subconscious mind speaks for itself

"Hm?" A reply just simply made of noise and air, quite strange isn't it? How you can reply, and even show emotion, through small grunts of noise and air.

"Remind me to apologize to Anthony" I continue poking at my food, not even looking up to see his or the other's reactions. He replies with "Kay" then goes back to stuffing his face, I laugh at his manners, they remind of an ape; or maybe not? there's always the possibility that Ian's manners are lower than a wild animal's

"Why do you need to apologize?" Mari asks, momentarily having fear in her eyes as she looks into mine, quickly fading, she probably realized it's nothing important "eh, I was being annoying" my fork pokes at a small bit of orange chicken, I sigh again, this time my posture slumps.

What the fuck am I going to do? I can't live in a house with someone I'm in _love_ with, especially when he has a girlfriend.. I'm a fucking idiot for letting my primitive lustful mind get ahead of me. fuck.

My eyelids flutter closer together with every breath I take. Let's do something. I breath a heavy breath and shove a piece of broccoli into my mouth before lifting myself up and off the chair "IAN" I yell as I stand straight on the stone bench, he jolts away from thoughts and stares at me, along with Joven and Mari, a shocked and confused look breathing on their faces

"YOU SAID IT, BOY" my right foot is now on the table and my hands are at my pudgy hips, I look like a superhero, my sight is towards nothing "WE'RE _SMOSH_! WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE" my finger swings around, pointing at them, my eyes still glaring at the nothingness in the sky, nothing but clouds and birds.

"I'M JUST SOME PSYCHOTIC GIRL YOU LET LIVE WITH YOU" I'm standing on the table fully, a smile forms on my lips as thoughts cross over my mind. I quickly jump off the table and land on the cool green grass, rolling so I don't break anything, I look back and they're almost standing with scared faces, Ian's eye is twitching. I giggle and run up to Ian "_We_" I lift my finger up "_are_" lean forward "_smosh_" I place my finger right in front of Ian's nose and let it float for a second before I push it onto his nose and yell "Boop!" and run away. I hear Joven doing a short laugh and then look back to see them all running after me, I smile and reach my arms up as I run, the cool air hitting my chest and flowing through my hair as I run. Right now, today is gonna get better.

* * *

The sky has gotten slightly darker in the last couple hours we've been running around, Ian and Mari are laying on the grass, panting no doubt, they didn't have that much energy because we never finished our food earlier, the birds knocked it onto the ground and attacked it with talons of fury. I laugh at the words 'talons of fury' and nearly fall off the monkey bars. I'm sitting on the thin bar because it's actually got a nice view, I can see the whole park and even the road to the smosh house, it's nice. I don't notice Joven crawling on the bars until he's sitting next to me and I feel his warm breath on my neck, I shiver and sniff "what are you doing all alone up here?" his voice is soft and calm

"It's nice. up here." I blink my eyes and look up at the sky, leaning back and laying on the thin bar "how do you do that?" He laughs, I smile and turn my attention to him "It's easy, just find a bar and lay back, focus on the middle of your back so you don't fall" my words are true kids, though I wouldn't recommend trying this anyway.

"You look pretty" his words break the minute silence between us, my eyes widen and I sit up, looking him in the eyes. He blushes and looks away "I-i didn't- I mean" he's freaking out, I place my hand on his and I can actually feel his heartbeat "I just" he looks at me with concerned expression and a blush that would put a tomato to shame

"I'm pretty?" My smile is warming to him and he calms down, I laugh as I see him gripping the bars with ivory knuckles. The calm silence engulfing us for only moments before I hear him take a deep breath and feel his eyes piercing me

"Kathryn." My name draws the attention I'm not sure I want "do you want to maybe get coffee some time? Or lunch.. something?" My breathing hitches and I look into his eyes, mine _open_, _wanting_, _needy_. his _loving_, _caring_, _hopeful_. I give him a toothy smile and nod my head, my eyes closed in a happy way

"I would love to go out with you" my eyes open and he has a _holy-shit-she-said-yes_ look on his face which causes me to bust out laughing and fall off the bars, he yelps as I fall and reaches forward. I hit the sand, my pain tolerance is high due to two certain people (-cough-Jacob and Dad-cough-) so I hardly feel a thing, I'm still laughing. "Are you alright, Kath?" Joven asks, obviously worried about my well being, I nod, still chuckling "oh thank god" he sighs, leaning back slightly. why did you do that Joven? You idiot. He's trying to lean on nothing, he leans back and falls through the opening between the two bars and lands on the sand by me

"JOVEN" I squeak as he falls, my hands cover my mouth in shock, I crawl over to him, he landed on his back and he didn't really hit his head that hard, but still. I cup his face in my hands and look into his eyes, he's laughing as I look at him with pure worry lighting my face

"I'm fine, don't worry" he chokes out before sitting up and grabbing my hand in his, I blush and look away. God, why must I be so alike to a teenage girl? Oh that's right, I am one. He turns my head to his and looks into my eyes again, we slowly lean together, lips inches apart, when fucking suddenly

"MONKEYBALLS" a scream echoes through our mind and we break apart, my eye's twitching and my face is full of utter confusion

"The fuck was that!?" I yell, looking around for the source of the unexplained shout of 'monkeyballs' only to see Ian, Mari, Kalel, and Anthony standing on the sidewalk that separates the playground from the field. They all have wide eyes and zipped mouths, except Kalel, she's smiling sheepishly and giving a strange look. I frown and stand up, brushing the sand from my body, I'm glaring at them now "it was you wasn't it" I point at Kalel, annoyance and anger filling every fiber of my being

"Maaaayyybe" she giggles in a stupid way, I huff and walk past her and everyone else as well. I'm going back to the house. I look back at Joven, who has a sad look on his face, and I mouth "I'll call you" why holding my hand by my head with only my pinky and thumb extended and the others curling in

* * *

My walk is cold and lonely so far. why did I have to walk away in a fit of rage? I'm so alone right now, well, I was. I feel a hand on my shoulder turn my body around, I'm not prepared for who's behind me, oh no I'm not fucking prepared.

"Hey" his voice is calm and sweet, his blond hair sweeping over his eye as he smiles at me. My body is frozen, oh god, what do I do? WHAT DO I DO? He notices my expression and places his hands at my waist and pulls me closer, holding me against his body. _ANTHONY HELP ME, PLEASE, DEAR GOD, ANTHONY SAVE ME_. His chin rests on my head and his breathing slows "I've missed this" his voice lingering in my mind while he slowly starts swaying, our bodies moving in the brisk air as my heart thumps away, I'm sure he feels it. "Don't be afraid." He moves his head from atop mine and tilts my chin up so my multicolored eyes shine into his grey eyes

"I only want to make you feel good" his grip tightens around my body and slowly the pain starts seeping in, my mouth opens as a strangled cry escapes my mouth as the pain gets more intense "n-o" I manage to choke out of my mouth.

His eyes flicker with surprise "getting a little more talkative aren't we?" his painful words hit me like a ton of bricks, I never spoke when he did his thing, I only closed my eyes until it was all over, and he left me. my body goes limp and I whimper as he begins to drag me away, the thought of Ian and Anthony clog my mind, and I'm suddenly doing something I never thought I would. I'm pulling away.

I pull back and wriggle free of his cold death grasp, I turn and run, I'm running for the park again, praying to God that someone's there. As I'm running, I hear the most terrifying thing in the world, more footsteps, Jacob's running after me. I want to scream, but I can't, instead tears flood from my eyes and get pulled back by the wind, I can't handle this.

"Come baaack heeerree!" His voice sounds like some psychopathic rapist that'll kill your children if you don't get them inside after dark. I start running faster, through the streets without looking, not caring if a car cares to hit me and kill me instantly. fear is my fuel. I see the park up ahead, it's baron, I silently scream and think about just stopping and letting him have his way with me.

No, fuck him, he's done in my life, he'll never have me again.

I run into the street and look to the road that leads to the house, I wanted to take a long way earlier, now I just want to be home in someone's arms. Anthony. Ian. Someone. I try to run but get yanked back by my hair, pain shoots through my head and I yell out a scramble of inaudible words "Let me-!" I turn around and kick him in the side, he lets go and I'm stood there, shocked for seconds

"Uh- got a little more feisty too" he's hunched over and coughing slightly, but he stands straight and cracks his back, he looks at me with murderous crazy eyes. All I can do is run. Run. Just leave.

_RUN, FUCKER, RUN _

My feet lift and I turn, my body pushing itself to the limit, it's not much but it's all I can do. When I reach the grass my dash slows, the dirt is digging up at my ankles and slowing me down, that's when he has the upper hand, and he tackles me to the ground "GET OFF" I scream, fear clouding my mind and sound "LEAVE ME ALONE" my screams are unheard by the people in the houses along the road, that or they just don't care. He's on top of me now, on my stomach, pinning my arms down with his feet "NO-" I feel a sudden fist connect with my face and my vision blurs for a moment

"Be a good girl and keep quiet" his voice mocks me with its kings lead on me, I squirm and cry out names "Anthony!" "IAN" "JoSh!" My voice cracking at each cry, I feel another stab of pain as his fist contacts my face again. I spit out blood and it lands on my shirt, oh my shirt. I'm sorry about getting it dirty, guys, please forgive me?

I hear their voices in my head

_"come back" Ian whispers as his hands reach for me, tears streaming as he stands over my lifeless body, dumped in a ditch and now in a morgue "Please come back" his voice cracks as he falls down into the darkness._

_"I never got to really talk to you.. I wanted to know you! I WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND" Jovens hands cup my face he looks at my features, cold and dead. Goodbye. He falls back, gone into dark._

_He's looking at me from a distance, tears rolling down his cheeks as he slowly walks up to me. He drops his head "I.. I miss you.. So MUCH, COME BACK NOW" Anthony screams as he hugs my body, nothing is left, I'm gone. Forever. He looks at me with tears still in his eyes, leaning down he kisses me softly on the forehead before plunging down._

That's fucking it. I'm done.

I use whatever I have left and push myself up, knocking him off my body "I'm not taking anymore of this, JACOB" I stand and take deep breaths, my face is still bleeding from the hits "I'm going home" I start walking, walking away from him. He's not following, what? I hear a clicking and my heart stops, I turn around and see him, he has a knife now. What.

"I got a new friend while you were gone. I call him Jeremy" my expression is scared, I fucking know that, my heart starts pounding again. I run. My legs picking up and I'm running fast, past the playground, past the fence, past the trees and the tables and grass, past the sidewalk and into the street. I can hear him behind me. It's so long, so far away from here. I can't hear him anymore as I reach the front door, I grab the knob and pull furiously, pounding on the door until I hear running and my body goes limp. The door opens and I fall forward onto the hard ground, my hands stop my head from hitting the door and I crawl in, kicking the door closed behind me.

_I'm bleeding._  
_I'm tired._  
_I'm laying on the floor._  
_Anthony's staring at me with such frightened eyes, I can't comfort him and say I'm fine, I can't do anything._  
_I shouldn't want to comfort him._  
_I'm in pain, someone should comfort me._  
_But that's the price of love, you want to help the person you love even if you're in more pain._  
_I don't care._  
_I'm not sorry._  
_I'm not sorry that I love you, Anthony Padilla._

* * *

**__****_you can thank Josh Ramsay's gorgeous voice for helping me write. _**i guess i kinda scrapped the whole 'the next chapters are going to be mostly calm' thing. but yeeeeah.. one more thing actually, not related to this, do you guys think i should try posting another long-term story? I have a Dan(Danisnotonfire)/OC story in mind, but ive only written a short first chapter . i also have a Panic! At the disco long-term story.. JUST TELL MEH IF YOU WANT A DANISNOTONFIRE STORY OR A PANIC! AT THE DISCO STORY! or both?

**_ fuck, im blabbing. BYE, LOVE YOU GUYS _**


	8. Ian, help me?

_**chapter eight motherfruitcakers OuO yey *limp noodle arm cheer* heheh.. I'm gonna go now. and let you read**_

_**please ignore any spelling mistakes, random words (cause: autocorrect) i haz weird autocorrect**_

* * *

_I'm bleeding._  
_I'm tired._  
_I'm laying on the floor._  
_Anthony's staring at me with such frightened eyes, I can't comfort him and say I'm fine, I can't do anything._  
_I shouldn't want to comfort him._  
_I'm in pain, someone should comfort me._  
_But that's the price of love, you want to help the person you love even if you're in more pain._  
_I don't care._  
_I'm not sorry._  
_I'm not sorry that I love you, Anthony_ _Padilla._

* * *

My head finally hits the floor as my hands give out, my heart is racing as I'm gulping in air, i don't think I've ever been this tired. I hear a thump and feel the warmth of arms wrap around me, I whimper and my muscles tense at the touch, my heart flips when hearing a loud choppy "IAN" in Anthony's usually soft and nice, now choking, voice. I hear the sounds of footsteps getting closer, I turn my head and look to see Ian and Kalel standing, watching me with shocked eyes, Ian runs over and slides on his knees next to me, carefully taking my bruised face in his warm hands.

The wave of realization hits him so hard, it could've knocked him out "he did this.." his voice is nothing higher then a loud mumble, his words barely make it past his clamped jaws and clenched fists, anger almost engulfing his being. Anthony looks up from me with fear written everywhere "who did this? Who are you talking about!" anyone would've asked the same question in the similar sort of a panicked angered tone, it's okay. Let me sit up. I try to sit up but I'm stopped by Ian carefully wrapping his arms around my frail body and lifting me up, he's surprisingly strong, I'll say it.

My fist tightens on his shirt while he navigates the house, careful not to hit any of me on the walls or furniture around the house, Anthony tagging along behind him whilst holding my head. Kalel's just dumbfounded, I snicker internally at this. Being carried is nothing I've ever experienced, I wish I could have just fallen asleep in his arms, but the feeling soon leaves as he sets me down on my bed and leaves to retrieve medical supplies. Anthony's by me, holding my hand tightly and petting my hair

"Who did this.." the shaky voice breaking my silence and my eyes settle on Anthony, his lip trembling and his eyes glassy

"Jacob. You knew that, Anthony." I don't mean to sound so mean, but it's true, no one else would do this besides him, maybe my father, but he would never be able to escape prison. His grasp tightens around my hand and his head head drops, I can see Kalel in the doorway, still a shocked look on her face, as she walked out of sight, I just simply sigh, my eyes close and I try my best to relax.

Yeah, not really a great idea.

Caught up in the moment of everything, I guess didn't let the pain really sink in until now, my face starts aching, my sides feel like ripping, tears slowly build up until I let out a gasping cry

Anthony looks up and is now staring at me intently, every breath I take causing a new wave of pain to wash over everything, feeling like salt on an open wound, I grind my teeth and grip the sheets, closing my eyes and drowning out the concerned questions coming from him.

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME, KALEL" the loud yell almost shaking me awake, my eyes opening quickly, taking in the scene of Ian rushing in with an incredibly angry expression sprouting on his face, Anthony and I unaware of the situation outside.

hm, all that pain seems to be gone now.

"What? Why did you?" I notice Anthony stand as he asks this, letting go of my hand so not to hurt me, I feel Ian place something on my leg and I sit up, leaning on my elbows to see. He's got a little box of supplies on the dresser, I feel a soft brushing on my legs and see Ian cleaning a couple bloody scratches on my legs and arms

"Ian." Ian doesn't take away his stare from me "Ian!" Anthony's voice rises, fists clenched tightly, Ian gives out a loud annoyed huff and continues to fix my body, slowly moving up and down my body in attempt to heal my every wound.

Anthony starts to walk away but turns to look back at me, and walks back, taking my hand again, he leans down and kisses my wrist.

"She was worried about your relationship" Ian doesn't care to look away from me when he says this, the words sink deep into mine and Anthony's minds, "what?" his body turns to the door and just stares, obviously confused about the two situations apart from each other

"She thinks you're getting too close to Kathryn." You can hear the anger in Ian's voice as he puts this out into the air, lingering until someone can grasp it

Anthony begins to walk towards the door, I know Ian sees this, because before Anthony can walk past the frame Ian says and in a pure, cold tone "Anthony, I swear, if you walk out that door, I will fucking kill you"

His body freezes as Ian's words catch him, he stands for a moment, then peeks his head out of the door and past the frame "Kalel, now's not the best time, you should go home." I hear Anthony's words, only before a large wave of pain surges through my body and I hear my own scream, my back arching, eyes shut tight, the feeling of acid under my skin, flowing through my veins.

Immediately as soon as the pain comes, it leaves my body as a relieving sigh

"Shh, it's okay, it's just the medicine working" Ian's voice gently tells me, my wounds slowly feeling better as the medicine helps my injured body

"I'm.. tired." I whisper, my eyelids heavy and my breathing calm

"You can sleep, by the time you wake up your cuts should be healed" I feel Ian pull the blanket up and over me, he's calmer to me than he was with Anthony and Kalel.

Before any other thoughts can cloud my mind,the darkness of sleep sweeps over me. No dreams, just plain, black, sleep.

* * *

I wake up to the sound of someone singing, in the shower maybe. My body still aches, but the cuts definitely are healed, just like Ian said they would be

"Morning sleepy head" Ian's voice is chirpy as I make my way into the kitchen, groaning at the bright sunlight streaming through the window. I slump into a chair a drop my head onto the table, the patter of footsteps and someone grabbing my arm causes my head to turn, Ian's examining my arm, pressing on places where maybe he saw possible bruises

As his eyes land on mine he finally speaks up, "how are you feeling?"

I lift my head to look at him more clearly "like some douche-nozzle tried to kill me". he gets out a hollow chuckle and let's go of me, walking back to the kitchen where he stood previously

The noise of someone singing drifts back into my thoughts as the door to the bathroom opens and a towel only Anthony appears, humming a soft tune. "What are you singing, Anthony?" I ask, my sight drifting higher from the groin of his towel, up his shining chest, and into his chocolate eyes

He yelps at the sight of me and stares at my beaten body. A small laughs chokes from my lips and rest my head back on the table, eyes still planted on Anthony, "don't you ever wear clothes when you get out of the shower? I'm getting an awkward lady boner" I bet my smile looks more like a psychopath's than a joking girl's

I see the blush creeping up on Anthony's face as Ian giggles like a girl, at my words

"I'm. Just gonna go.." Anthony shuffles away back to his room taking blushed glances along the way. I turn my sight back to Ian again, a sly smirk greasing my lips, "you still love him?" Ian's tone is simple, almost against his, close to shocking, question.

I frown and breath out a small sigh "More than ever" my voice is low and feels tormented, pain teasing my throat everytime I speak. A sudden thought causes me to jolt up and almost immediately fall out of my chair

"Shit!" I curse at myself and hold my head in my hands, I hear Ian jog to me, he lifts me and helps me stand "what's up?" I don't even hear his question with the thousands of other thoughts pulsing through my mind. He gently shakes me back to life with a somewhat worried and confused expression on his, just before, cheerful, face

"Hey?" He pokes my arm and pulls me closer to him, until our faces are inches apart "earth to Kathryn!" He laughs at my stupid thinking face, pulling me to the table and setting me back down in the chair. I shake out of my trance and laugh at the realization of Ian being silly again, but laughs aside, when I turn my head.

I see a very upset Anthony standing in the hallway.

His lips are a straight line, jaw tense, fists clenched, eyes full of pain, the same pain from when we were at smoshgames.

I try to say something but he walks past me and to the door, slamming it while he leaves. I'm left a confused girl, sitting in an awkward position, whilst Ian Hecox walks to and out the door after the emotional Mr. Padilla.

After moments of silence, some awkward staring at the walls and floors, Ian strolls back through the door and alerts me 'Anthony's upset about some shit' with a deep, and slightly annoyed, sigh

"He left, took his car and drove off.." Ian sets the keys he grabbed on his way out down, on the little side table, and leans against the wall, obviously upset aswell

"Oh bother" I huff out and rest my chin on the back of the small chair, breathing in slowly, trying to think of a way to fix the problem. "What's with him? He's been acting weird ever since the gamebang" I finally say

Ian perks up and just stares at me, not like his eyes are digging into me, like he just doesn't know what to do, and he's staring at my outer shell. He knows something.

"Ian," I stand up slowly, licking my lips and closing my eyes, "do you know why Anthony's acting like this?" Simple questions, dear Ian. Simple questions.

Simple questions don't have simple answers. Ian's eyes widen and he gulps big "I.. I have no clue." Ian stands straight and rushes past me, almost running into his room, closing the door, and leaving me all alone and confused. Again.

Do something to occupy yourself, Kathryn.  
Get ready.  
_For what?_

A ringing shakes my thoughts, and I stare at the phone for a minute before walking over and lifting it to my ear, the click of the phone unhooking from its place bouncing around in my head

"Hello?" I say, who's on the other line?

"Kathryn, Hey! It's me, Jovenshire" his nice voice makes me smile, and my muscles relax a bit "hey Josh" my voice dripping with happiness and fangirly-ness.

"Hey! I was just wondering if, uh.. you. Maybe wanted to get that coffee or something, now?" He's nervous, I can hear it in his voice. I feel myself blush and smile, leaning against the wall and biting my lip.

"I-I would love to. Just give me some time to get ready" I giggle out, God, I'm such a fangirl. I hear the slightest "Yes!" In the background, and I'm guessing he's also doing a bit of fist pumping, and then a cute little "okay! I'll pick you up in an hour, that good?" I smile wider as he says this, but also feel a bit of myself crying deep down, I nod my head and squeak

"Yeah, that's good" myself full of excitement and wonder as we exchange quick goodbyes.

and I'm left alone again.

See, now it's time to get ready.  
_Get ready for what?_  
Your date.  
_My date? with who?_  
Your date with Jovenshire, silly girl.

* * *

**_Muahahahahahahaha, I left you on a cliffhanger, kinda. it'll be updated soon, calm yourself :3 try and take a guess on what the next chapter shall be about, heh. oh, and something else, i started the Danisnotonfire fic *awkward moment* uhm, yeah.. don't really know where that's going *looks into the horizon* BRING ME THE HORIZON HAHA! _**

**_I've been acting a bit strange lately, just ignore me, then o_o I should sleep.._**


	9. The date

**_Finally, right? sorry, i know i suck at schedules and stuff.. but here it is, THE DAAATTEE, YAAAAY, so enjoy.. These author's notes are slowly getting shorter by the chapter o_o _**

**_remember to ignore any spelling mistakes, random words, etc... (cause: autocorrect)_**

* * *

Time to get ready.

I click the phone into place and immediately begin jumping around, flailing my arms around, and squealing with joy.

"Why are you so happy?" A quick voice carries in from the hallway and I turn to see Ian leaning against the wall again, my happiness drops and I stop jumping, he has a sad expression, "sorry, for running away from you.. just.. some stuff has been going on with Anthony." He toys a bit with a strand of hair that's fallen into his face

"I've been kinda stressed lately, I'm still writing the script for a new smosh video. Haven't figured out anything besides the 'plot' " He makes quotation marks with his hand, his head lifts and he looks at me with hope filled eyes

"It's gonna be a new song, a Mario one." He slips out a small laugh and walks over towards me "sorry, don't mean to be so, uhm, talkative?" His eyes turn away from mine and when he turns back, his face is scared as he reads my terrified expression

_"getting a little more talkative aren't we?"_

The memory flickers through my thoughts and I shudder, Ian's face getting sadder, my wonder of him realizing it had something to do with Jacob. A twirl of my fingers, I walk past him, down the slightly creaky hallway and to my room, only peeking back to give him a half hearted smile along with the words "I've got a date with Josh"

His expression goes from shock to fake happiness as he runs his fingers through his bowlish haircut. Sighing at the fact that something's wrong with them both, I slump into the brightly lit room, sunlight pouring through the covered window and swallowing me whole

"Time to get ready." My voice is a high whisper as the shirt touching my skin leaves my body, and gets tossed to the floor.

* * *

The hour swings by quickly, and I'm soon waiting on the couch in a pair of Anthony's skinny jeans and another one of his his v-necks.

I feel awkward wearing his clothes, he seems so mad at me, and I don't even know why.

Ian's just been ignoring me, walking away whenever he sees me, just like Anthony , only less mad and more. _Afraid_.

A knock shakes me out from under my thoughts and my head jolts up to the door, my hands gently pushing myself off the sofa as my feet lift to walk me towards the door. I unlock the door and with a satisfying click, pull it open to reveal the sight of Joshua Ovenshire, standing in a button up shirt and jeans, hair slightly combed, the breathy smell of aftershave, making me smile.

"Josh.. wow" I breath out, still taking in the sight of a very handsome Jovenshire standing in front of me. His laugh catches me and his arm pokes out in a gentlemanly manner, as if saying 'come with me me'lady'

My arm loops through his and we step out the door, I make sure to lock the door behind us, even if Ian is still home, I want him to be nice and safe.

His arm guides me to his car and opens the door for me, my eyes fly up and I laugh at his gesture "You don't have to be all gentlemanly" my voice is layered in a sweet giggle which causes him to also chuckle

* * *

Though our car trip is short, it has a pleasant silence with the slightest dashes of conversation ringing through it.

As the small car pulls up in front of an Italian restaurant, from the looks of it, I can't help but stare in awe at its beauty. Yes, a restaurant can be beautiful.

I turn my sight to him, he's chuckling lightly "Not really coffee, heheh.." he mumbles, and i can't help but smile.

My door creaks open, and I feel a hand slide into mine, my view turns and I see Joven smiling sheepishly,

I can already feel the blood swarming to my cheeks.

* * *

There's not much to say about our date, a few dumb jokes, a couple silences, water, food, and wine, and to end it, a long walk in the park.

Hand in hand we walk down the pathway in the mostly quiet park, the cool air hitting our bodies in short huffs.

"Are you doing alright?" He asks me

My breath catches in my throat, my hand tensing, then releasing. "I'm okay" my voice trailing lies in its tail,

he turns to face me "you don't have to lie.." He lets go of my hand and stands in front of me, his mouth smiles but his eyes tell no lies, he's upset. Damn upset.

What's he doing?

"I know you don't want to be with.. me... it's okay. We don't really. Fit together." His hand grips mine again, and he begins rubbing circles on my knuckles, his eyes aren't looking to mine. a couple kids run past us, causing him to look down and smile

"What do you?" I drag my hand up to his cheek, lightly tracing my fingertips along the skin.

He quickly leans in and kisses me softly. His lips are soft against mine.

There's nothing. No sparks fly, no fireworks go off. It's just a kiss. a simple kiss.

He pulls back from me with a look of sadness, "just wanted to make sure.".

I'm confused, what does he mean?

He tilts my head enough for me to look into his dark brown eyes, filled with hurt and almost discomfort. He smiles at me, probably because of the look of shock on my face, and pulls me into a tight, warming hug.

"I see the way you look at him. Anthony. It's the same way I look at you" my heart falls at this. he sees how I look at Anthony? How do I look at Anthony?

It's probably a look of want.

Wanting to touch him, and to hold him. Because that's how I really feel. I want him to hold me too, I want him to kiss me, tell me he loves me.

"I.." my head slumps with a lock of hair falling in front of my face, nothing but breath, birds , and the quiet conversations from people being heard from around us.

"I'm gonna take you home, okay?" The feeling of his hand dragging me away, yanks me from my thoughts, only giving me a second to realize the situation.

He's not upset anymore, at least I don't think so, he's wearing a real smile when he looks back at me.

As our bodies reach the car, he pulls open the door with enthusiasm and pushes me in, jogging to the other side and opening the driver's side door and dropping in himself.

Before he can start the car I find myself reaching out for his hand, stopping it in the air, making him look up at me. I'm definitely wearing a serious expression, there's no doubting it.

"Why are you so okay? You asked me out on a date and now you're just... ending it.. so abruptly, and I don't like to get upset over things, I usually just push them away, but now.. you see how I look at him, and you're just automatically fine with me wanting to be with him instead of you? your smile is genuine, I can tell when someone's faking, from experience. I'm happy I didn't hurt you, make you cry, mentally scar you somehow, but this isn't normal, Joshua. Someone doesn't just act like they like someone else and then actually be genuinely happy with that person wanting someone else instead.."

Wow, I didn't mean to say so much.

He's staring at me, I have to keep eye contact, I can't shake away. He leans forwards and kisses my forehead, "I know you've been through a lot. I can tell when someone's faking a genuine smile too, _from experience_. I knew you had feelings for Anthony even before I had feelings for you, and I accepted them, I guess that made it easier for me to understand, _we will not work_." He laughs at the last part, leaning back and looking me straight in my blue and green eyes.

"And I might be a bit of a fangirl. Fan.. _boy_. I really think you and Anthony would make a cute couple. Everyone else agrees too, except Kalel and Anthony, but that's only because we haven't told them about it, I think Kalel would try and melt me with her laser vision." His laugh is adorable, even when he does his walrus laugh I can't help but think of hugging him and telling him how fucking adorable he actually is.

But he's right, we aren't meant for each other. And maybe I'm not meant for Anthony either, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

As the car begins to roll down the road, I don't feel the need to say something, and apparently he doesn't either, he's just sitting there with a smile. "So.. you ship me and Anthony?" I finally ask after minutes of comfortable silence. _Fuck me_ I guess.

He chuckles lightly and glances at me for a second before turning back to the light road "Kanthony, or Kathrynthony, maybe Anthryn" he smiles. I laugh at him and feel a smile also making its way onto my face.

The car stops in front of the house, I almost don't want to get out when I remember what happened earlier. Anthony storming out for no apparent reason.

"I had fun anyway" Joven breaks the silence between us, giving me his best smile as he extends his hand. I grab it and shake it simply, pulling him close to me and hugging him, "This isn't going to affect our fucking friendship, you plonker.." I make my mumble loud enough for him to hear, then turn around and open the door, stepping out, leaning down with a smile, "bye", and closing the door.

My feet take my body to the door and I turn back momentarily to wave Joven goodbye, but he's gone already. Fast car.

I'm digging around for my key when the door swings open and I'm met with the sight of a pissed off Anthony standing in front of me, red face, nostrils flaring.

I can see his features more clearly now that I'm up close, andshit, he's scary when he's angry.

"Bitch" is the only word I can make out from the jumble of profanities spilling from his bitten lips. He called me a bitch. _I am a bitch_. "I'm a bitch..?" My eyes are wide as he walks past me. I don't mean to sound so upset, but I can't help the crack that breaks into my voice at the word '_bitch_'

His body goes rigid and he turns around fast, his eyes are as wide as mine, "I didn't. I was talking to. Ian.. I wouldn't call you a, I mean, I just- I'm. Uhm. Sorry.." He scratches the back of his neck as he says this, obvious discomfort of the current situation.

He walks away fast, leaving me sad, of course, and still filled with the want of holding him close. Instead of chasing after him, I slug into the house, closing the door behind me and sliding against the wall, until I reach the sight of a certain frustrated Hecox boy, and he rises to look at me.

"You see him?" He asks, trying to wear a fake smile as genuine.

"Yeah, I saw." By the time I'm laying flat on the floor, Ian's sitting across from me with his legs stretched out and his hands resting on his crotch. "Sorry about that, didn't mean to ruin your date-day-thing. How was it, by the way?"

A stretched groan is all he receives, "not good?" He asks with concern dipping in his voice.

"A lot more serious than I was hoping for.." I mumble through the mess of carpet below me, my head tilting to the side so I can catch the sight of Ian playing with his fingers. he looks so fragile.

My knees scrape against the carpet as I crawl towards him, slowly wrapping my arms around him, "Ian, you look like you're gonna cry.. what's wrong?". Maybe it's my words, or maybe it's the touch I'm giving him, but as soon as I finish my question, he breaks down and silently cries in my arms.

I'm cradling him in my arms, slowly whispering things like 'what's wrong, sweetie?', 'Its going to be okay' and singing him quiet songs and lullabies. Petting his hair and kissing his cheeks and neck, I'm trying my best to calm him down.

It takes about, five minutes of comfort, before he really speaks.

"I'm s-sorry, Kathryn. I didn't m-mean t-t-to break dow-wn, it's j-just, a lot of sh-shit's been happen-happening" because he's crying, he's gasping and hiccupping a lot. "Shhh, try and breath before you talk, sweetie" I move him on me until his head is in my lap, and ours eyes meet.

His breathing slows and he starts again, "Things have been going r-rough for a while.. -sniff- Its like mine and Anthony's friendship is being ripped in h-h-half, and k-knowing that sucks." I'm petting his hair and rubbing circles on his hand and arm

"A couple months ago, I f-found out that my girlfriend was cheat-cheating on me.. it killed me.." He sits up and leans his back against the soft couch, placing his head on my shoulder "Anthony tried to be there for me, -sniff- but Kalel always took him away from me. Getting mad when he spent time with me, even for smosh.. once, she even said 'smosh or me' " He mimicked her voice,

"She eventually apologized, but I don't really.. like her. anymore. everything she does gets on my nerves. but I deal with it, for Anthony." He's mumbling as his blue eyes find mine, we sit there for moments, before the corners of his mouth tug up. "When he brought you home, and when we met you the next morning. I could tell that there was something between you two, Anthony would only bring you here if he felt something. A spark, maybe.. even if he saw you for a split second before deciding on bringing you here. He's been so much happier with you here." I don't know how to react

Is Ian saying? Is he saying that Anthony might have feelings for me too?

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Ian slowly stands after asking, pulling me up with him, my legs might be shaking, I can't tell. I nod my head, answering his question a bit late

"Hopefully Anthony will come around, see you're right for him, then maybe he'll be even happier.." Ian has a lazy smile on his face, maybe lost in a daydream of Anthony acting happy.

"You'll get your best friend back.." my arms tighten around him and I'm pulling him into a, almost back breaking, hug. "I promise" my words coming out as a mere whisper.

He pulls me back, looking at me with tears in his eyes, "I hope so.."

With this, he pushes me down the hall, into my room, "go take a nap, you look fucking tired, and you need the rest" a simple kiss on the cheek follows, and he closes the door.

I am actually pretty tired.

I slump to my bed, yawning along the way, and once my knees hit the matress I fall forwards. Not bothering to take off my shoes, or anything else for that matter. Sleep overtakes me, the light around me doesn't even stop me from being pulled into its arms, and my eyes close for the last time today.

* * *

**_holy fuck, that chapter was written a bit.. differently.. the next chapter might have something big in it :o be excited, peasants... maybe. still haven't decided yet._**

**_oh, and sorry about not writing the Danfic heh, WORKING ON IT..._**

**_I'MTRYINGMYBEST ._**

**_bye.. _**

**_LOL, JUST REALIZED I FUCKED UP A LOT IN THIS CHAPTER. okay, let me think.._**


	10. Hanging out means hateful glares

**_Surprise, bitches ;D i bring another chapter for you, aren't i awesome? _**

**_It's kind of a 'I'm sorry for not updating for a long time' chapter c: I'll just fill you in on some random things that have happened to me._**

**_1. my brother found my fanfiction and read a bit of this story.._**

**_2. two of my friends called me beautiful ^-^ _**

**_3. I FIGURED OUT A GOOD THING FOR THIS STORY, WOOT WOOT *Fist pumping_****_*_**

_**okay, read now. Enjoy** **bbys**_

_********__remember to ignore any spelling mistakes, random words, etc... (cause: autocorrect) _

* * *

_I'm in a room, it's so dark, and it smells like blood. My hands, they're chained, and my feet are torn. The darkness surrounding me._

_"Here you are, so sweet, so pretty." His voice cracks through the silence, it's coming from everywhere. No walls around me, just darkness._

_Hands grab me, all over, touching my body, grabbing, squeezing, petting. A whimper slips from my mouth and echoes around me, "let me go" I croak, my throat is dry._

_The hands rip the little bit of clothes left on my body, and I'm left naked and writhing as they continue to violate me._

_And then, a body. A hard body pressing against, laying on top of me and scratching along my torso, blood seeping from my wounds._

_A choked gasp is all I can manage, his lips find my neck, biting and sucking the skin. Trailing down until he finds a sensitive patch, and my mouth falls open as a whimper mixed moan crawls from my throat._

_He sucks harder, and I squirm beneath him. "You fucking want it" my heart stops, that voice is so familiar._

_"You little fucking slut, you won't be happy until you're getting fucked hard" his fingers dig into my skin again, pain flooding through me, and he rips the skin. I scream as high as I can, screaming again when he bites my neck, piercing the skin and ripping my flesh._

_"S-STOP, OH GO-D, PL-PLEASE STOP" I plead, my voice is high and my eyes are streaming tears. The pain is unbearable, just let me fall unconscious, please_

_The lights come on, and he looks at me, blood on his mouth and neck, those brown eyes breaking into me. He's hurting me. how can he do this. I thought he wanted to help me._

_"A-ant, n-no" my throat erupts with blood, coughing out and spitting into his face. He smiles and kisses me, blood in our mouths, and he bites my tongue, hard._

_I scream again._

_He tears part of my tongue from my body, and I'm choking on my own blood._

_He's biting me, my neck, my shoulder, my arms, my breasts, my stomach, my .. My legs. Everything is bleeding, he's smiling like some psychopath. It's ending like this. The one I love, killing me. Ripping my skin._

_"You know I love you.." He whispers into my ear, dropping his body on me, and he's dead weight._

A thumping wakes me up, as I look around the room, I see my blankets on the floor, and my body is glistening in sweat. The thumping is coming from the door, "are you awaaakkee?" Ian's cheerful voice calls to me from behind the door_._

I push myself up and find myself twisted in the sheet, my body hits the floor with another loud thump, and my elbow knocks against the floor and pain engulfs my entire arm. "Are you okay? I heard a thu-" he doesn't have time to finish as my hand peels the door back and Ian stands before me, red shirt, black shorts, no shoes.

"W-what?" I stutter out, my voice is caught in my throat when he looks at me. He's staring at me with wide eyes, his hand lifting up to wipe my face. "You're uh, you're kind of sweaty.." His hand wipes against my shirt, his eyes flicking between me and the hall

"Bad dream, Mr. Hecox." I lean against the door, cradling my hurt elbow in my not-hurt hand. He mouths an 'Oh' and turns to walk down the hall "We're going back to smoshgames HQ later to hang out, kay? AND YOU CANNOT ESCAPE OUR WRATH" he points his finger at me and skips merrily down the hall again.

Okay then, Ian seems chipper.

* * *

I've showered, trying to wipe the dream from my memory, but no such luck has presented itself yet. Anthony seems a bit happier, he hasn't yelled or stormed out today, he ate breakfast with us and seemed content.

Once Ian and Anthony finished their work for the morning, a bit of editing, more work on the Mario song, some calls to the crew, we're almost ready to go to smoshgames HQ.

Ian uploaded the lunchtime with smosh I was in, people kinda like me, Anthony's been showing me all the comments from people who are complementing me and saying I look cute with him, a bit of a scowl appearing when they pair me with Ian.

"Look" he rests the computer on my lap as he sits next to me, making me look up from my booklet of drawings, it's the top comments on the video

"Holy firetruck, please tell me Kathryn is dating one of them? S2 she's perfect with either (tho I like her with Anthony best). LET HER BE IN MORE VIDEOS"

"she's hot.. dudes, keep bringing her back. and one of you best be hittin' that, or I will ;)"

I feel myself blush and laugh a bit, and from the corner of my eye, I see Anthony red and smiling too.

* * *

I'm sitting up front with Anthony while Ian lurks in the back. I'm singing along to 'Fuck you' by Lily Allen as it plays on the radio, dancing in my seat as I do. I know Ian and Anthony are laughing at me, but fuck it, I'm working my jam

Ian eventually starts singing along with me when Adele comes on, and soon we're serenading Anthony as he tries his best not to crash the car in his fit of giggles.

* * *

It's raining once we get there, Ian and Anthony quickly dash through the doors, trying to shield themselves from the water falling from above, while I just simply hold my arms out and look up, smiling, spinning around as the droplets hit my skin. I'm almost completely drenched when I finally make it inside and up to the room.

Mari, Joven, Sohinki, Lasercorn, Ian, and Anthony are standing around the room chatting about random shit, maybe games, probably boobs.

Their vision lands on me and they all go wide eyed, staring at my wet body, my green chest with my tapioca pants and my black vans. "Hey guys" I strut towards an empty chair and plop down, sweeping my hair behind my ear and looking up to see them watching me.

"What.. I'm not that wet.." My voice is a small mumble, I'm starting to fidget in my chair with all their stares on me.

"That's what she said" Mari chirps in from next to me, I can't help but laugh, apparently neither can anyone else. My fidgeting ceases and I rest in my chair. everyone's moving around me, trying to set up the games and such.

Maybe I should help? Nah, I'll stick to relaxing in my chair next to Mari, maybe we can talk about anime or how Joven's walrus laugh could cure cancer. Maybe I'll stick with anime.

"I didn't think it would rain today, guess I was wrong.." My hand runs through my hair as I say this, pulling beads of water with it. I only glance up for a second when I see Joven staring at me, and then look away, blushing

I hear a hmph from someone across the room, and turn to see Anthony pouting behind everyone, a short frown makes its way onto my face. "So what are we up to?" I twiddle my thumbs, avoiding eye contact with everyone else

"Playing games and chillin' like the mofos we are" I hear Lasercorn give a bad impression of a gangster and I feel myself giggle.

"Pretty much" Ian leans over me, draping his arms on mine, putting all his weight on me

"you smell like cheetos, get off" I wiggle beneath him, flailing my limbs as I do. He giggles like a girl on top of me, and I continue wiggling

"I haven't even eaten cheetos today" he laughs at me, soon followed by him tickling me until I can't breath. I hear everyone laughing, everyone except..

I feel a heavy pair of hands catch me when I slip from the chair, only letting my butt bump against the floor for a quick second.

I'm confused for second before "Heh, thanks" I murmur as I see Joven has caught me, only the lightest shade of red sneaking onto my cheeks.

We stand for a few seconds, his hand on my arm, "I think she's okay, you don't need to keep a death hold on her" Anthony's voice rings through followed by a hollow laugh, I'm the only one who seems to notice, and Joven releases. I shoot Anthony a quick look and he's wearing an expression of annoyance, slightly glaring at Joven.

My eyebrow raises and he glances at me, still glaring, sending a slow dagger flying through my heart.

I melt back into the chair, "okay then.." I mumble out, stealing sight towards Anthony every couple of seconds.

Everyone settles down, Ian on my right, Mari on my left, an empty chair next to her for Sohinki, Lasercorn next to Sohinki, Joven next to him, and finally Anthony on the far end.

"Halo's up first!" Sohinki yells as he pushes the button, which pulls the tray holding the game, back into the black machine.

We're playing Capture the flag first, myself, Ian, Joven, and Sohinki on one team,

Lasercorn, Mari, and Anthony on the other.

* * *

Okay, we've been here for two hours, and I only have one thing to say.

Anthony's being a fucking _dick_.

Everytime Josh even glances at me, Anthony's scowling, at us both too. No one can even touch me or he'll make an annoyed comment, or just a huff in anger and annoyance. What's wrong with him? Doesn't he know what he's doing?

This isn't even close to my dream, but it hurts so much more.

And then it happens, my team loses the match against Anthony's, and he just can't keep his mouth shut.

"Well, you tried your best" Anthony's voice is screaming '_sarcasm!_', and it's too much. I stand up, my head towards the ground, even if they could see it, they would only get a blank stare.

I'm walking to the door and pulling it open, I can feel the stares rushing over my body.

"I need some air.. be right back.." I close the door behind me and almost immediately slump down against the door, my head in my hands, trying to stop the heaving sobs from within from escaping. Oh God, no one can hear me.

After a minute or so, I hear the faintest "Ant, can I talk to you?" In Ian's voice, and then movement. I have to move or they'll see me. I stand quickly, too quickly, and almost fall into the wall, but I catch myself. Running around the corner just as I hear the door open.

I reach the front door and yank it open, running out until I'm standing in the middle of the baron lot.

It's cold outside now, and the rain is splashing against my skin. I can't hold the sobs back any longer and I feel my knees give out, my body hitting the floor with a loud thump, and I'm crying into my hands.

Memories from the only good moments I've had in my short time with Anthony and Ian.

And then his glaring, hating face is there, watching me, and casting me down somewhere dark. My mind screaming the only truth I know

_Anthony doesn't love you._

_No one loves you. _

* * *

**_heheh, I'm a bitch.. _**

**_I CAN'T HELP IT, WHEN I'M WRITING MY MIND SCREAMS 'CLIIIFFFHAANNGGERRR' And then this gets created. lovely, huh. _**

**_So, not to spoil anything, but there miigghhtt be a something big happening in the next chapter concerning Anthony and Kathryn. you can only guess. _**

**_KAY, BYE _**


	11. New perspective

"Well, you tried" my voice drips with sarcasm, crossing my arms with the controller hanging from my grasp. I tear my gaze away from her shallow frame for just a second, and she's up when I look back,

Head to the ground, body stiff, now I can't even comprehend what's happening.

She walks to the door without turning back and pulls it open slowly, only glancing back slightly to mumble "I need some air.. be right back.." before walking out and closing the door behind her.

The room is silent after she leaves, I know my eyes are wide, still staring at the door in front of me. After a minute of silence, Ian finally speaks up,

"Ant, can I talk you?" He stands after his words, myself shortly following. Our footsteps bounce around the room until we finally make it out the door, he almost slams it as he turns to glare at me, Ian's anger is at full power. Shit.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" He's trying to keep his voice an angry whisper, but it comes out loud and pissed off, his eyes full of hate, "I" I can only stutter as he stares at me

"Answer the fucking question, _what_. _the_. _fuck_. _is_. _wrong_. _with_. _you_." Ian pushes my shoulder and crosses his arms, never taking sight off me.

"I don't.." My hand rises to scratch my head in the uncomfortable moment, I see his eyes roll, and he sighs, "do you know how you've been acting?" He asks with closed eyes, an annoyed expression painting his face

"Uhm.." My stare is towards to the wall, taking in every detail, not wanting to look at Ian, seeing him disappointed in me. "_Like a dick, Anthony. _she left the room because you were acting like a dick." I keep my vision down, still, avoiding him almost entirely.

"Anthony, look at me.. don't shy away now" his hand grips my shoulder and I'm forced to stare at him, his brow is furrowed and his mouth is fixed into an upside-down-smile. My eyes find the ground, and we just stand there for moments, neither of us bothering to speak

"Ant, what's been going on with you? Ever since Amy, and when Kalel said.." Ian's voice trails off and I can't help myself to look up with anger in my eyes, he always has to bring up what she said, "you know she didn't mean it" my words are spit out like acid

He sighs shallow and rests his hand on his head, stealing glances at me every minute or so.

"Yeah, yeah.. she was just upset." He obviously doesn't want to deal with this right now, from the tone of his voice

He looks at me with eyes filled to the brim with concern "I'm your best friend. Don't lie to me and say everything's okay" he's staring me right in the eye, Ian can be completely serious anytime he wants, and this is one of those times.

All I can do is glance around and hope for something that could tear me away, my breathing is getting quicker and my stomach is starting to flip.

"Anthony" he puts his other hand on my shoulder, trying to steady my swaying, my breathing is ragged and my eyesight is getting blurry. "Anthony, calm down, I think." He looks me up and down, taking in the sight of my shaky body

"I think you're having a panic attack" he drops his hand and looks at the floor, pushing me down until I'm sitting on the floor with my legs out, staring at the wall.

I feel him next to me. We just sit there for what feels like forever, but in reality it's only a minute and a half.

"You're like my brother, no you _are_ my brother. My strange brother, that I talk about sex and boobs with.. a _lot_." He chuckles lightly, giving me a smile before turning back the white wall.

All I can do is breath, my head is less dizzy and my stomach isn't as queasy anymore, but I still feel shaky

"Ant.. are. Are you happy?" His question hits me hard. am I _happy_? _Am I happy. _"I don't know.." My voice is a low murmur when I speak, not bothering to lift my gaze away from the blank floor around me.

He shifts his position, bumping my shoulder as he does, and soon he's facing me, legs crossed with a quizzical look on his face.

"Then why don't you do something about it?" He asks me, as if it was as simple as saying hi to a friend, or even opening a door.

"I can't.. I mean, I'm _happy with Kalel_, I can't just get up and leave her, start going after someone else!" I push myself up off the ground and walk a couple steps down the hallway, shaking my hands when I think,

"Anthony, I didn't say anything about leaving Kalel." My thoughts are interrupted when I hear him stepping towards me, so close until he's only a foot behind.

My body stops, and I stand still until he steps in front of me, "I'm _fine_. I don't need to. I don't need anything.." My feet are lifting to the door when a gruff hand pulls me back and pushes me against the wall, harf. Ian's staring me down, intimidating.

"You're _not_ leaving. I don't care if you're in love with someone else, I don't care if you're in love with _me_." He presses harder against me, glaring me down into defeat "You're not allowed to bottle your feelings up, even if you are a guy." He's watching me, waiting for my reaction, but nothing comes.

His hands finally drop, and he steps back, I didn't notice before but his eyes are watery. "Anthony, I can't lose you as my friend." He raises a hand to wipe away a tear that's crawled down his cheek, he looks so vulnerable right now.

_Ian._

_Ian, you're so different._

_I've only seen this side of you a couple times._

"I don't.." I try to speak but Ian cuts me off, the tears that have welled in his eyes have begun to roll down his cheeks, leaving damp trails down his sides, "I know you don't know what to do, I honestly have no clue either" he laughs lightly, giving my arm a somewhat reassuring squeeze "but that doesn't mean we can just run away from our problems.." My eyes trail down the walls, searching for who knows what

"I don't know where she is" Ian mumbles, following my sight wherever it goes. He just stares at me, watching me carefully, every muscle, every twitch. It's scarring.

"If you can't tell me anything else.. can you at least tell me how you really feel about Kathryn? and Kalel?" He asks me dead straight and I'm shaken from every form of thought and movement

"I don't know how I feel about Kalel." I speak surprisingly loud, which is strange because I don't usually have many serious talks with Ian. or anyone, really.

"And Kath?" I bite my lip when he looks at me, trying to stop the rush of words from escaping my lips.

"I.. I think I-" my words are cut when the door opens from down the way, and we're met with the sight of Kathryn drenched in rain, scratches on her body, dirt on her hands, red puffy eyes and obvious tear stains on her face, even breaking through the water that's flooded her form on her face.

Hers eyes go wide when she sees us, and she just stares, not moving a muscle.

Then, she turns, walking away from us. No, _running_ away from us.

It's my fault you're upset. The way I was acting towards you,_ I'm so sorry_.

"Kathryn!" I yell, running past Ian and after her, I've got to take care of her, oh god

My arms stretch, pushing the door open and running past, down until I see the front doors. and _her._ outside and sitting on the ground, a crumpled mess of clothes, limbs, and skin.

The door squeaks as I open it, running and falling to the ground next to her, I can hear her sobs as the rain hits her back. I feel like crying too.

Just breaking down and holding her, never letting go.

Instead, my hand finds her back, rubbing it carefully as my other hand grabs her arm, I pull her up carefully, letting her rest against me as she chokes into my wet shirt.

She clings to me as if it's a matter of life or death. We're sitting in the middle of the parking lot, the rain is hitting us hard, but I could care less, I've been horrible to her.

"Kathryn." she doesn't budge "Kathryn, I'm so sorry" my eyes are starting to water as I'm rocking her back and forth in my arms "I'm so _so_ sorry" my voice carries into her ear

"I've been an asshole,. I never meant to be." She looks up at me with sad eyes, her face is blotchy and red, she still looks beautiful. "Then w-why did you.." She looks away before she can finish, she's rubbing her eyes with a free hand.

Her eyes find mine once again, she's weak right now, I made her this way. "You were such a jerk! every time.. every time anyone even glanced at me it was 'get the fuck away' from Anthony Padilla. watching me from the other side of the room.." eyes locked with mine and i don't even know what to think.

"why, Anthony? just tell me why" her voice is strained as the tears continuously spill from her green and blue eyes,

_Now's the time, Anthony._

A small laugh leaps from my mouth "I.. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings." my eyesight drops, she's frozen in time, not even breathing.

_Now's the time for the truth._

I snake my hand around until I can move her chin to face me, her mouth opens slightly with her head tilting a bit.

I stare into her different colored orbs, and then what's happening. I'm leaning in, she's leaning in, slowly getting closer until

Sparks are everywhere, fireworks shooting off, explosions, hearts, everything that happens when you kiss the love of your life.

Her lips are so soft on mine, moving perfectly. My hands cup her face and hers slide around my neck, pulling me closer

I run my tongue on her bottom lip, asking for entrance, maybe it's too much? She accepts, opening her lips enough for my tongue to slide in, she tastes good, like mint and berries.

Or maybe minty berries.

Her hand tangles in my hair, gently tugging as my tongue explores every inch of her mouth. I feel her tongue wrap around mine and soon we're wrestling for dominance, her mouth or mine.

My hands rest on her back and press her body closer, soon I feel my back hit the asphalt, and she's laying on top of me. I guess kissing in the rain isn't just for the movies.

A loud clearing of a throat interrupts us and we both break free, turning to see Ian, Mari, Joven, Sohinki, and Lasercorn watching us. I feel a blush begin to creep up my cheeks, my hands tightening around her

"I KNEW IT, YEAAH!" Mari's voice screams to the world while she pumps her fists up into the air, doing a victory dance with Lasercorn and Joven, "Our ship came true!" I see Sohinki raises his hands in the air, looking towards the sky with a smile

"Would you two care to come inside?" Ian's familiar, happy voice chimes in. As my sight lands on him, he's wearing a smug smile, resting his hands on his hips

A quick glance back at Kathryn and we both know we're good anywhere "we're good.. anywhere, really" she smiles at Ian as she helps me up, brushing the dirt from my shirt. We're walking back into the building when I feel a hand slip into mine, looking down I see it's hers, she's got her head down with a red face.

Once we reach the door I tear my hand away from hers and pull Ian back, he's smirking like a sly cat with him arms crossed, "so, you doing better now?" His voice is full with genuine concern now

"Yeah.. just one problem." I scratch my side uncomfortably, my face dropping to the floor. "wh-what?" Ian's eyes are wide with confusion and slight horror, his hand gripping my arm again, when I look up my eyes are darting between his

"What about Kalel?"

* * *

_**Fuck yeah, stuff concerning Anthony/Kathryn ;D I'm freaking awesome with this story, anywaaayy, I hope you liked it :3 and don't worry, I don't plan on ending it soon, this is start of the beginning ·u· that made no sense **. **kind of . or maybe it did and I'm just stupid. it probably did. i think it did. it did.**_


	12. A manly man like me doesn't cry

**_Okay, so.. Different writing style this time, kinda, this is the first time I'm using a computer to write in months, so everything's all wonky and stuff heh. _**

**_But here you gooooo, oh, and i'm trying to rewrite the first four chapters of the story :p I'll keep you guise updated on when i do for if you want to reread the 'better' versions. _**

* * *

Three days.

Three days ago we were at smosh games headquarters.

Three days ago it was raining,

Three days ago I was outside in the rain.

Three days ago I kissed Kathryn Haynes in the rain.

"Ian, what am I going to do" I ask from my couch potato position on the, well, couch. Ian's sitting on the floor with his Mac on his lap, probably scrolling through Tumblr or Facebook,

"I don't know, think about it.." He's not paying much attention to my pouting self, this only causes me to melt into the couch, and pout, more. "Hey, isn't she going away for a week or something?" his head turns away from the brightly lit screen to look at me for just a second before turning back and continuing to scroll.

"who?" Is he talking about Kathryn or Kalel? Or maybe someone else entirely. Like Mari, is Mari going away? I should know this, think, Anthony, think!

The sight of beard catches in my eye, "Kalel. Isn't she going away to see her cousins or something? For a week or so? Maybe more?" All these questions Ian's asking me. Well, it really is just one question cut into smaller, side questions.

But of course, Kalel's going away for eight days to see her cousin's family, the ones that moved to Melbourne. "Yeah.." is a simple, straight, true answer, and all I want to say when lazing around on the couch, floor, bed, etcetera, and pouting.

Lazing around and pouting like a child who's lost his candy is how I deal with situations like these. That or running my fingers through my hair a lot and acting like a dick to everyone I see. Aren't I fun? Yay.

"Well that gives you time to think, I mean, without her glaring over your shoulder" You can hear the smirk in his voice as he speaks, only to type away on his computer even more, peering up at me with a dull expression quickly and smiling at my melted frame.

"She doesn't.." He raises an eyebrow as I begin my sentence, I'd better not, I'm not too fond on seeing the incredible wrath of Ian Hecox right now.

"Force of habit." My hands fumble with the edge of my dark blue shirt, tugging and settling it finally as my eyes find his, and I look away almost immediately. "..Me and Kathryn haven't really talked since we, uh.. Mostly just been touchy feely and stuff" talking serious, yeah, I think I mentioned before that I'm not good with that.

His shoulders noticeably slump as the corners of his lips tug up into a sad smile "Yeah, I've noticed. You should let up until talk with Kalel, kinda being unworthy.." He props the computer on his knees and stares at me, wearing the small grin until it turns into a slightly smug smile

"Pfft, unworthy.. I'm pretty sure I've been unworthy since I met Kath,. All those thoughts.." I absentmindedly smack my head with my head, earning a high yelp from my mouth, and a small jump.

Ian's rough finger prods against my leg as his stares into my chocolate eyes, "Dirty Anthony is dirty" watching me as a fit of small giggles escapes his throat, my body is still very much floppy, I can't help it.

A disgruntled sigh leaps from my lips and I decide to push myself off the couch, maybe the floor feels nice, hard surfaces can be strangely comfortable.

Ian seems to like it, he's been laying slash sitting on it for the past two and a half hours.

Two and a half hours, wow.

I don't know what to do, I can't talk to Joshua, Matt, or David because they're all the way in LA for some unknown reason. Mari's out with Kathryn so they're out of the picture, I'm not even sure I would be able to control myself around her, the thought of her lips on mine sends me into overdrive.

So. Ian's the only one who's '_technically_' free at the moment, he appears to still be scrolling, but ya' know, he'll stop for me. Or I'll make him stop. I'm bored.

"Ian, let's go outside and play" My fingers wrap around his wrist, pulling his body towards mine as I continue to bitch and moan about stuff and stuff. His pure blue eyes change to shocked as his body collides with mine. "Anthony, Jesus! Be careful, I'm a very fragile and pudgy man!" His voice cracking as he squeals from terror.

"Why do you want to go outside?" Ian's furrowed brow chasing into me as he pushes off me, laptop still firmly in his grip as his back straightens, slightly glaring at me, I would guess, from pulling him.

* * *

I would have guessed as much from Ian

It took twenty minutes of coaxing him until we actually made it to the car, and fifteen more to drive to the park

But we made it, outside to the bright and warm weather of Sacramento. No one's really at the park, a couple moms with their sons and daughters, and then some random teenagers hanging around.

We've been walking in silence for a while now, randomly glancing up to look at the scenery around us.

"Have you gotten a chance to think about what you will say to Kalel?" A sudden question from Ian catching me off guard as I stumble around a mess of rocks on the sidewalk.

My eyes dart up quickly to see Ian staring with a cocked head and raised eyebrow, "H-have I gotten a chance to?.. No.. No, of course not. I've been thinking about other things." I'm choking on my words, my eyes desperately searching for anything around us to save me from the possible awkward conversation that appears to be growing in the air.

"God Ant, you have got to think. You made your choice, right? You want Kathryn. Not Kalel. Kathryn."

Ian's completely right. Right? I want Kathryn and only Kathryn,

But Kalel's been with me for a long time, and I still love her. I have to think of the perfect thing to say to her so maybe we can still be friends..

"I was thinking about something along the lines of: Kalel, I really like you, but I've realized my feelings are stronger for another person. I would be giddy as a schoolgirl if you would allow us to remain friends," I finish with shooting a pleading look towards him, hoping for some kind of admiration of my words.

Instead, I'm met with a hand hitting the back of my head, "You might as well kiss Kath in front of her" His finger pushes against my shoulder as his hunched figure stares at me. "You're a fucking moron if you think that's going to 'let you stay friends'" His hand catches me off guard once more, slapping my cheek hard.

Honest to god, I'm baffled. "What? What!? Did you just? Why would you!? I had something good going and you decide to. slap me? slap me? Honestly Ian! What the fuck!? What cougar bit your dick!?" This loud array of words of course causes some passersby's to give us strange looks, and some concerned and angry mothers to shoot us dirty looks while they cover their children's ears, Yeah, I could care less.

"you can't say that, Idiot! Girl's are very confusing creatures, you ought to know that already from all the shit we do in smosh." Ian's voice changes from an ever growing pit of death and despair to a plastic swimmy pool.

My expression drops, I couldn't stop the anger from surging through me when I yelled. He was yelling at me when I was trying my hardest to think of something nice, something better for Kalel.

Oh, Ian. You just want the best for me, you're right, what am I thinking? Well, what seems to be flowing through my thoughts is how to tell the girl I once wanted to spend the rest of my life with that I'm breaking up with her.

"Kalel's gonna slap me, I just know it.." My body drops onto a secluded zone of lime planting, also known as grass, my eyes slipping closed. "And I deserve it too. Playing with girl's feelings and all. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with me, Ian?" I feel drips of water run down my face, dampening my cheeks. I slowly wiped them away, not even thinking where they came from.

More water. I open my eyes to the sky, clear as an ice cube, just wisps of clouds above us.

But still water finds my face.

I pull up a hand and wipe it over my eyes, feeling the source of liquid, I'm crying. A _manly man_ like me doesn't cry. Suck it up, Anthony.

Wait, I didn't think that.

"Suck it up, Anthony" It was Ian.

Suck it up? Ian, I'm fucking trying to think of a way to say goodbye.

Anger's bubbling to the surface of my skin, my fingers feel like fire, "Suck. It. up?! That's the only thing you can say? SUCK IT UP!?" I'm furious now, to the point where I'm back on my feet and up in Ian's face "What the fuck is that supposed to do? Inspire me? Hah" I turn away, disgust mixed pure hatred tracing lines along my face.

And,

The feeling of grass hitting my face, no, my body hitting grass. Someone sitting on my back while I lay face-first in the dirt, muffled giggling coming from above

Almost female, and still sitting on me., the only person within thirty feet was Ian. I think "Get the fuck off me, Ian, I'm not in the mood for your games" words spewing from my throat like scolding lava, everything inside me erupting like a volcano along with that.

No movement, but the giggling stops, it's quiet except for a sharp intake of breath that seems to set me off. Breathing, the twig the broke the camels back. How strange is that?

It all happens so fast, I don't have time to process the face and body below me, I use all my body force to flip around and pin them down, my arms pinning theirs and my lap straddling them.

"I don't want to hear about your problems with my 'speech', If you think it would be just as bad to kiss her in front of Kalel then I'll do just that! I'll drive to wherever the fuck Kathryn is and I'll drag her all the way to Melbourne and I'll knock on the door! And when Kalel opens that fucking door, I'll turn to Kathryn and I'll. I'll.. Kiss her.. I'll kiss Kathryn.. Because I can't think of a good speech, Ian. That other one was my only shot. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I have no ideas to say goodbye to Kalel. I'm terrified, of feeling like a horrible person, because that's what I am. I kissed Kathryn behind Kalel's back, and now I have to say goodbye to her. Goodbye to the girl I thought I wanted to marry. Ian, honestly, I'm shaking.."

The look on the petrified person below me is enough to knock me back. My eyes as wide as dinner plates, teal hair stares back at me.

_God, why did Ian have to drag me here? I don't know anyone,.. Oh god, I think I feel a panic attack coming on, where's the goddamn door?_

_I feel my knees go weak as I reach for the door handle, yanking it open and stepping out into the cool summers night air. It's pitch black here, but you can still see everything perfectly, like a painting finished in low colors._

_I've got to stop going so deep, It gets awfully strange considering my personality._

_My body relaxes under the cool air and peaceful silence, my breathing normal and my stomach less nauseous._

_"It's pretty cold out here, huh?" A bright female voice shakes me awake, I totally did not just yelp. A dirty blonde haired girl lurks in the distance, violet lips and a red bow sticking out like sore thumbs_

_"I- well- I mean.. yeah.." I laugh at my own stupidity before staring towards the ground, it may be cold, but my face is most definitely hot._

_She laughs along with me, making me smile._

_Her hand reaches out._

Everything stops

Her eyes stare at me like I'm nothing, anger replacing happiness, then sadness. She's bawling her eyes out, curled up into the fetal position on the ground, her sobs the only sound for miles.

When the fuck did Kalel get here? She tackled me? I thought she went on the plane already! She must've skipped it to surprise me for another goodbye. Shit.

Her hair is teal, no more dirty blonde hair tied up. Her clothes are sharp and casual, not wearing that beautiful mini dress anymore.

_"I'm"_

Everything's buzzing around me, breaking down and fizzing like a broken TV when you're watching your show and everything slurs.

_"Kalel"_

"Kalel.."

She lay on the ground, curled up and crying hard, still in the same place from where I pinned her moments before, and me? I'm laying three feet away, gulping down air like my existence depends on it.

"Kel.. I'm. I'm so so-" I try to apologize, but she doesn't want me to, she doesn't need me to "SAVE IT!" she screams at me, attempting to hold back her heartbroken tears,. "Please, Kalel!" I try to grab her arm, I must apologize to her.

Or.

Maybe I shouldn't.

I retrieve my hand as she watches me, her face changing to shock as I do. My hair slaps against my skin as my head drops, "You heard everything.. You heard the truth, right?" I know I should be more considerate, but I need to know.

A sharp pain heats my right cheek and the tears threaten to spill once more, as my sight reaches up to see the teal girl in front of me cradling her hand. She slapped me, I knew it. I've been slapped twice today, new record.

"How.. Could you?" Her voice dripping with venom as her eyes fade to dark, how could I? How could I? She just used physical actions to show her emotions, ABUSIVE..

Okay, shut the fuck up, Anthony. She is not abusive, she's hurting. You just broke her heart after all, how dare you?

I'm sorry that I love another, Kalel.

But if I stayed with you neither of us would be happy.

"I'm sorry." I only whisper this for you once more, Kalel. This is the last time these words will mean anything from me to you. If I say them again, it's for your comfort, not mine.

Brushing off the dirt and grime that has gotten itself stuck to me, I stand and gaze at the beautiful girl in front of me, for the last time calling her mine. "I'm really sorry" doesn't mean anything, I already told you once, you know how I feel, it doesn't need to be splayed across every word I speak to you.

The sound of movement behind me as I walk away, I'm not going to look at her, I can't look at her. I'll cry if I look at her.

"You can't leave me! I'm grieving my loss of you!" She's digging her nails into my shoulder attempting to spin me around to most likely scream her heart out at me, ripping me a new one basically. I'm fine if she wants to do that in private, but not in the park, please not in the park.

My body is frozen, not allowing her to spin me, not giving her the satisfaction of seeing a 'manly man' like myself try with all his might not to cry.

"That doesn't even make sense." Ian's small voice echoes through my mind., that's right, Ian's still here, how could I forget about you, Ian? Buddy. Not a smart move though, because what happens next only happens in my worst nightmare when Kalel's a bitch.

A loud slapping noise is heard from behind me, her hand no longer digging into my shoulder. When I spin on my heel, I'm met with the sight of Kalel breathing rage, and my best friend, sir Ian Hecox the one and only, holding his newly slapped face in his hands.

Oh she did not just slap him.

"Kalel, what the fuck!" My yelling brings her attention, holding an unwanted puppy dog stare "You can't slap him, he did nothing wrong! That's uncalled for violence!" My hand grips Ian's and I drag him away from the girl I used to call 'babe'

"A-Ant-Anthony Pad-Padilla! You come back he-here this-this instant!" With a stomp of her foot and a turn of her head, we're sprinting towards the car, hoping to return home without any more red marks.

Just get back home.

Home is safe.


	13. Teal Kiss

_**Alright, here you beautiful people go. The thirteenth chapter to the -cough-amazing-cough- story known as Kathryn!**_

**_Also, let me say some stuff, cause I'm sure as hell not doing these author's notes enough. _**

**_First off, if you haven't, you should read the story 'Daddy Smosh' it's awesome. And after you've read and pressed the follow button for that -ahem- make sure to read and follow 'Vidcon Adventure' by the same author (Smoshfan1231994). Two stories I've really enjoyed so far c: (I even helped out a bit! :D)_**

**_Second off, if you do not like somewhat detailed kissing scenes, uhm.. beware? idfk_**

**_Third off, I forget what was third._**

**_Okay, to the window *points*_**

**_To the wall *points*_**

**_ Till the sweat drip down my- OKAY LETS GO TO THE STORY ALREADY_**

* * *

Mari and I have been out for a hell of a long time, she's a fucking awesome person. She's been telling me funny and embarrassing stories, along with giving me advice on how to avoid those exact situations.

To finish off the day we decided to go for a somewhat peaceful walk in the park, it's not night or anything, It's just Mari has a busy night so she needs to get back.

"So a walk in the park, right? Then I have to go do, ugh, work.." Mari's voice changes to one that is purely annoyed. I would be too if I wanted to stay out all day but had to do work, work sucks.

It's a bit dark once we get there, crazy California days and nights, and the wind is blowing our hair around lightly, tickling our faces. I can't help myself to stare up at the sky and take in it's delighting beauty, dark blue fading to lighter as the pink from the sun's rays dance around the edge of the skyline.

A bright laugh makes me spin on my heel to see Mari, leaning against a tree, smiling at my silly behavior and hair flipping everywhere from the wind against my back.

"You really enjoyed today, didn't you?" She asks, strutting towards me with a wide grin holding her lips. I know I must've been smiling nonstop all day, I've never had a girlfriend before, just someone to hang around with and talk about cute guys,

Everyone always steered clear of me at school, I was just another nobody, just another 'emo' kid as they would scream at me. They thought the bruises and cuts on my body were self-inflicted, some were, others not so much.

It's nice to have Mari, I'm happy I can call her my friend.

"It's your fault! Anthony Padilla!" a high pitched scream of words catching us off guard as we stumble into a mess of searching, did she just scream? "I-I don't lo-love you! I ne-never loved y-you" That sounds like

"Kalel?" My eyes land where Mari is currently running to, my eyes landing on a girl laying on the ground, a mess of teal hair sprawled on the cool wavy grass. My feet start moving before I can think, bolting me towards her as fast as I can, and I remember, moments before

She was screaming about Anthony. Saying she never loved him, it's his fault, what did she mean., What did Anthony do?

I find out that answer oh too soon as her sight catches me while Mari helps her stand, those teal contacted eyes peering deep into mine as her breath hitches and she stares at me.

Me, the innocent (okay, maybe not so innocent) baby penguin going out for a swim, and her, the deadly leopard seal lurking below, ready to strike at any moment, death in a matter of seconds.

"You did this.." Her voice is hollow and lifeless, the only form of emotion is pure rage, circling through her veins and going straight to her head. "YOU TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME" the tears have stopped flowing from her now, only her fists moving in the motion as she tries to escape Mari's grip.

I don't know what to say or do, I'm frozen on the spot, watching her angry attempts to stand and stomp towards me. Mari obviously can't hold her back for much longer, she's not that strong, and with an angry woman, this just doesn't help her.

All I can do is watch. She breaks free of Mari's grip and charges at me, anger fueling her and holding control. Mari screams for me to run, but I don't, I can't.

"YOU STOLE HIM FROM ME YOU HEARTLESS BITCH" Her fist makes contact with my face and we're on the ground, her entire body placed at my hips with her legs keeping my arms glued to the side of my torso,.

I can feel terror swallowing me, gulping me down like air as her fist makes contact with my face again, this time making me taste blood.

I don't want her to get off me, I need to feel this, the truth being that I really did take her boyfriend from her. I waltzed into these people's lives like I owned the place, I lived with her boyfriend, and I kissed her boyfriend., And now, Anthony did something I don't even know about, and I'm taking in my consequences.

My punishment.

As I start to see stars, the memories from my father, his face clouds my mind and I can't be held responsible for what seems to crawl from the bottom of my stomach to the tip of my tongue

"I'm sorry, Daddy." Is a mere whisper from my lips.

A look of shock washes over Kalel's face as her hand readies another punch, but it doesn't come,. Instead, she stares at me with raised eyebrows, only muttering a small barely audible "what..?"

Memories start flashing through my mind, random events being shot through my eyes, I'm feeling, seeing, smelling, hearing, touching, everything in them.

Tears pool in my eyes, streaming down my face as painful memories hit me as hard as trucks

"st-stop it" My body starts moving, writhing from beneath Kalel as she and Mari watch me intently, eyes wide and bubbling with confusion.

_His hands hit me hard, one pushing me up against the wall and the other working around the hem of my shirt,_

The weight of another body leaves my waist and stomach region, and my body starts shaking, all I can see is the flood of past fights.

_The water is ice cold as my head is shoved into the messy tub, as my throat contracts and the water hits my cuts, I wriggle beneath him. Only hearing mumbles of his hurting words_

My breathing is fast and shaky, everything's getting dark around me, Mari's face in the distance above me, asking me something. Even Kalel is asking me things, trying to shake me from whatever attack is upon my mind and body.

_"Why were you out with them.. You know you shouldn't be around boys! I told you no!" His words hit me from above, he's been yelling at me for ten minutes already, bombarding me with questions as soon as I reached the carpet of our blotchy floor._

_I was only talking to my science partner, his name is Michael, a sweet guy really. Kind of shy, but sweet. I think he might be my first crush, "I've never felt this way before about a boy.."_

_I didn't mean to mumble that out, really, but it happened anyway._

_So he hit me, kicked me, threw everything he could at me. And I thought it was over, just more of a regular beating, but no, definitely not a normal beating. This one had a little surprise at the end, something that would become normal for me, and it wasn't a nice surprise._

_He called me a slut and started something bigger than anything he's done, whispering with those disgusting lips "If I'm living with a slut, I'm going to get something good from it.."_

I think my heart has stopped now. I'm just in a dark place, not a really dark place, the park I think. I'm back here? Sitting alone on the grass as the wind blows gently against me. I can't move anything, but that's okay, I guess, I don't need to move anything.

"Kathryn! Oh thank god, I thought we had lost you to something" Mari's sweet voice lingers from around me, I'm staring into her orbs now, concern writing countless pages away inside her brain.

Mine only blinking a few times, adjusting to the light around me as my body pushes up, falling to the ground in admitted defeat after a couple seconds. My body feels like someone stabbed it with a fork multiple times.

"What.. What happened?" My voice is somewhat hoarse, although I have no clue why, I think I've just been laying here for the last I don't even know how long, seems to only be a couple of minutes.

Mari grasps my hand tightly, looking down at me for a second then looking back to Kalel, "what?" Kalel's voice is close but still somewhat far away, the rustle of grass behind me. Mari's expression contorts to something along the lines of 'Get off your ass and help me help her'

A small mumble of "alright, alright" following from the abstract hair colored girl behind me

I feel the strength of two arms pulling me up and to my feet, warm breath on my hair, and a short grunt after I'm released, only to fall forwards into Mari's arms

"Woah! You really can't walk. Shit.." I lift my gaze to Mari's again, concern knitting her eyebrows together as she struggles to hold me up. I can't walk, why can't I walk? I was doing perfectly fine earlier, and Kalel didn't hit me below the waist, I think.

I can't feel any bruising on my legs, but my butt is quite tingly from laying on it in the grass for too long and Kalel putting pressure on it when she straddled me.

"I'm fine, really" the sudden feeling of being pulled back takes over my shoulders, next thing I know, I'm leaning onto Kalel staring up at her while she talks to Mari. Completely lost in the colors on her. Green, blue, pink, tan, white. They all work together to make her look absolutely beautiful, she must have on waterproof makeup because I can clearly see the glistening tears on her face, yet her makeup still seems untouched by life.

"Are you okay with that?"

I jolt back to life when Mari asks me something, "Uhm, er, what?" attempting to stand, I stutter, only being pulled back by Kalel once more.

I hear Kalel loudly sigh again and I can practically hear her eyes roll too, before I know it I'm being lowered onto the ground, my head resting on her lap. "Just go, I'll keep her safe, I promise.." a hand covered with rings and a few bracelets waves Mari off, receiving a skeptical 'what are you up to?' look moments after

"No punching" an annoyed groan escapes the greenish blue haired girl's throat, the word punching bringing more unwanted thoughts slash memories into my brain, causing a whimper to leap from my throat.

A look of sorrow flashes across Kalel's face when her eyes glance to my face, maybe saying 'sorry', maybe she understands. Maybe she knows.

"okay, okay, I'll.. Go get Anthony and Ian" Soon as she was there, Mari's running off into the distance of the park towards the house, leaving me alone with little miss greeny over here. At least she said no punches

My eyes train back to the sky, the cloudy whisps still floating above like nothing's the trouble,. It seems stupid, but wouldn't it be something to be a cloud?

Just floating above the ground in a high breeze- "I had the right, you know. Well maybe not to punch you, but I had the goddamn right to be upset!"

My eyes focus to see Kalel looking into the distance, staring at nothing in particular. Maybe in a different world inside her mind.

And then, in the flash of a second, she's staring at me with that same fire that was burning in her when she attacked me. "You took him from me. He confessed it! Saying that if he needed to, he would kiss your little red lips right in front of my eyes." Her eyes traveled from mine, downwards

What is she looking at?

My nose? No..

Do I have something on my face?

Am I bleeding?

What's she- "what's the appeal?" Her eyes still trained on the mystery.

Her face looks bigger.

She's leaning closer to me, oh god, what's going on? What's happening?!

"what's the" her lips are so close to mine, I can feel her breath, I can see her neck and jaw perfectly from this angle. Her hair falling past her shoulders and landing on my face and hair.

"Desire."

Her lips are suddenly on mine, moving with such certainty. My eyes slip closed and my hand automatically reaches up to caress her face.

What am I doing? Why am I kissing her? Okay, snap out of it.

Her tongue runs over my lip, she's asking for entrance, and I gasp in almost surprise as her tongue glides past my own lips and starts exploring. Licking every inch of my mouth until she settles on my tongue, curling around it.

"Well this is something new."

We immediately break apart, sucking in air as our cheeks tinge with pink. My hand is limp and my lips are plump and shiny.

Do my eyes deceive me? Is this just another trick of my mind, or is Jacob standing right in front me with a dead smirk and lusting eyes.

Kalel looks confused, from what? Either the fact that she just kissed another girl or that there is a man standing in front of her staring down at the both of us with obviously wanting eyes.

She stands quickly, letting me off not as gentle as I had hoped. "And who the hell are you? Aw Kalel, couldn't you be a bit nicer to a crazy person?

He just smiles one of those 'flawless' smiles that gets the girls melting "just a friend of Ryns over here" ah, Ryns. Haven't been called that in a long time, my mother used to call me that, and then Jacob starting calling me it a while after the whole shebang started.

"Isn't that right, Ryns?" He's looking right at me. Jacob is looking right into my fucking soul and I could escape by shaking my head, but my body is in charge now.

Always listen to Jacob.

Always do what Jacob says.

Never say no.

Just do what he wants.

I nod slowly, my eyes still not daring to leave his lean frame in case he's something of a weeping Angel, and if I even blink, I'll be dead in a moment.

The grin on his face just grows larger as he steps forward and squats to my level, I find the strength to scuttle backwards a couple feet. Trying to stay at least three feet apart.

His bottom lip pokes out in a fake pout, his hand grazing my skin, causing me to shiver.

"Did you hurt yourself again? Always were a clumsy girl." And with that his posture is fixed, all along with mine. He's pulled me up with him and wrapped his arms around my waist, making sure to nuzzle my neck and nip at the skin.

My attempts to get away aren't working, until Kalel so decides to speak that is. "I wouldn't do that if I were you" her voice is a growl as she grasps my arm and pulls me away from him, and into her tight hold.

Why do people have to fight because of me? I don't like it.

He just raises his right eyebrow at her, staring her down like she's a simple minded child that's taken away his favorite device. Always thinking that he holds the power to intimidation, guessing that women women will fall at his feet, scared he might lash out at them.

No. He only holds that power with me. He can do whatever his mind, heart and body desire and I can't stop him.

Maybe this time though, maybe Kalel should fall to his feet and beg for the right to no scars and bruises to affect her skin

Let him take me away, Kalel. Tell Anthony that I love him, really love him, and Ian that he's the best friend I've ever had.

Let him break my skin with a blade, and let him crack my bones with a hammer. Let him kill me so this nightmare can end.

"I know for a fact.." her voice is shaking to the near brink of choked sobs, "someone loves her very much. And he'll be upset if I let anything happen to her."

Oh dear. Everyone, everyone, my heart did flutter.

Does Anthony love me?

Jacob, being the twat he is, decided that now would be a grand time to yank me from Kalel's grasp and toss me over his shoulder.

I screamed in surprise, shocked on what to do, almost oblivious to the furious teal girl running after us and stepping in front of him and punching him in the chest. This did nothing.

He pushed her to the side and continued walking.

I can't breath, Kalel's yelling at me to "DO SOMETHING!", but I can't, memories from times I've tried to fight back scrawl across my thoughts and drag me deeper into the pit of 'oh fucking lord' that rests on the bottom of my stomach.

And then a screech, a male screech. A word? Or multiple. _'You-cunt-put-her-down' _

Wow, that sounded like Anthony. Wait, Anthony?

My eyes look up and I see Anthony stomp-slash-running over to us,. I feel Jacob stiffen and then pick up his pace, speedwalking, jogging, slow running, sprinting. And I'm being jiggled around the whole time

I can't lose the only good life I've had!

He lets out a grunt as I begin pounding on his back and kicking my legs into his stomach, constantly letting out whimpers as he slaps the back of my legs and my butt.

"Stop it, please, just put me down, Jacob. You won't get hurt. Please" I feel as if I'm bargaining for the life of a puppy, though I'm definitely not that cute.

And he grabs my waist and sets me down, looking straight into my eyes. "You listen to me you little whore" my legs buckle beneath me, but we both barely even notice. He's dead set on telling me something, and I'm dead set on trying to look stern.

"I'm letting you go, not because you told me to. Because I don't want to deal with that faggot, I'm going to come back for you. You're mine. I marked you, remember?" He's blazing red, just run away, Kathryn. Run for your own good.

"KATHRYN!" Anthony's nearly caught up to us, just a minor fifty feet away.

Jacob looks down at me with anger and determination "always remember" he hisses. And then he's gone.

Leaving me to deal with falling to the cold hard ground and simply laying there until Anthony catches up. Oh and when he does, I'm going to cling to him and kiss him until he's raw.

"Kathryn!" Rough hands wrap around my body and lips are on my face and- tears find me. I'm sobbing into Anthony's shirt by the time Ian, Mari, and Kalel show up, my tears wetting his shirt as my hands grip the soft material until my knuckles turn ivory

"It's okay, it's going to be okay."

Oh, but Anthony. It's going to be anything but okay.

* * *

The world outside looks so calm as we drive past the many houses on the streets. Mari said she would take Kalel home since she rode the bus, and Ian decided to tag along so me and Anthony could have some time together. Alone.

I haven't said a word since we left the park, and I don't until we stop in the driveway.

Not until Anthony looks at me with worry engulfing his chocolate orbs.

My breathing is calm, and my sigh is soft. "I thought he was going to take me back. And that he would hurt me again. Or worse, you or Ian or Mari or anyone.." I stared down at my hands, trying to distract my eyes and mind.

"We're strong, Kathryn. Mari's a dancer, she could easily kick him in the face, chest, or more easily, balls."

"you don't get it" I didn't mean to snap at him "it doesn't matter if you're strong. He's always going to be stronger, whether it be mentally or physically, he's always going to have the upper hand."

Tears are threatening to spill again, and I thought I had drained myself.

"I won't let him hurt you, or anyone else. Even if that means I leave and you live your life with some pretty girl in a house on a hill with little Padillas running around" we both smile at the thought of little Anthony's running around, but his contorts into shock and then anger "leave? Who said anything about you having to leave?" He stares me down with questioning eyes

I can't help it, maybe it's best if I leave. "Maybe it's best if I leave" I tell him with full on truth lacing my body and voice.

If you've never seen Anthony Padilla go paler than a ghost, then I applaud you, because you've obviously never driven him that close to the edge. Where his voice his tiny and his eyes are ready to spring a leak any moment, where he clasps his hands together and gets on his knees and begs

"Please don't leave me. Please, never leave me." He stares at me so hoping, so full of something that could be classified as pure fear. The kind when the person you love is in peril.

Living with them would be hard. They'd have to know that they could be in possible danger at all minutes of the day. But then again, they are famous, internet famous at that, don't they live with constant threats already?

"I.." It's already decided.

It was those brown eyes and the emo flap and the laugh that sold me. "Okay.. Okay, I won't.. I won't leave you." Anthony Padilla, I'm your new roommate.

I figure we can hang out most of the time, kiss, laugh, play video games, make random videos to put on a channel you'll obviously create for me, live in the constant threat of my crazy rapist ex-boyfriend,

And watch overly dramatic soap operas while we eat pizza and drink soda, then reenact the best scenes with our friends where I get pregnant with your evil twin brother's child when I'm actually in love with your best friend that you thought was in a coma because his wife hired a hit man to kill him, but it didn't work out, all while your mother and father get back together after a fourteen year divorce and have crazy sex everywhere in their house.

Oh, and I made out with your ex-girlfriend.

Let the fun begin!

* * *

**_I don't know why Kathryn made out with Kalel okay? The idea just kinda jumped into my head when I was writing and it like, implanted itself. So it wasn't going away anytime soon. _**

**_No, Kalel isn't bisexual (I think ._.) not to spoil anything major, cause nothing's major. No, Kalel and Kathryn aren't going to run away together._**

**_As for Kathryn? Well I don't know. If she fell in love with a girl that's okay. Uhm, she's my character? Yeah, she's my character.. I don't really know her sexuality. She likes boys, yeah. Not sure on the whole bisexual thing, if she is then I guess she would actually be a bit of a Mary-sue.._**

**_IDK OKAI *flails*_**

**_But what did you guys think of the whole 'I marked you' thing. It made me think of vampires.. And that made me want to write Jacob as a vampire but I know I can't and so I'm just going to pout into infinity and beyond_**

**_*floats around black hole*_**

**_Still fixing up the first couple chapters, first one is almost done, might be by the time I've posted this. Not sure though.. _**

**_As for the Danfic, no that's not abandoned, I'm just having a hard time getting into the writing style I have for that story. I WILL NEVER ABANDON A STORY, I swear on cheese._**

**_OKAY, ONE MORE THING *raises arms defensively*_**

**_If any of you like Panic! At the disco (and you ship Ryden (still)) I'm pointing you to my story 'Prince And The Little King' (I hate capitalizing each starting letter, but pretty much everyone does it so :p it looks as professional as fanfiction can be -cough-50 shades of grey-cough-). It's a Ryden kid!fic with a little bit of Joncer, and it's set in medieval times. And it has some interesting information in the author's note :D. GO LOOOKK_**

**_If you've made it this far, here's a cookie._**

**_Goodbye._**


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